Love Will Tear Us Apart
by This Rhythm
Summary: Contains Josh's point of view from Paradise Lost to Vanished. "She was gone. Truly gone. I had let her slip past me because of my stupid mistakes..." What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. Time passes, but the truth doesn't. Josh/Reed.
1. We Killed the Lights

We Killed the Lights

She was gone. Truly gone. I had let her slip past me because of my stupid mistakes, and now I was going to pay for it. As I watched her walk away down the hallway, her beautiful hair swaying back and forth, I couldn't help but let a few sobs escape. My whole body shook. I had lost someone so pure, so innocent, someone worthy of being looked at, and yet…I ruined it all.

My life was a jumbled mess before I met Reed. My old roommate died and I took pills because of him. I was a wreck. I didn't know if I was worth living. Every day I lived in a guilty lie. Not a day went by where I questioned being alive or thought about him. But when I told Reed what had truly happened, the way she took me in; it was unexplainable. I never felt such relief. I never felt so happy. I had something to live for. When she smiled and made me laugh…it was a perfect lullaby.

Not anymore.

It's funny how one act of cruelty can change everything forever. One act of being someone I'm not; someone who calls his ex a lying whore and telling them that they disgusted me. I remembered when those words left my mouth, and the reaction I got from Reed. In that one moment, I never felt so alien. I never felt so disconnected from my body. I felt evil. Disgustingly enough, I thought that she deserved it.

But she deserved everything- anything- besides that.

I stood there in the middle of the hallway, not noticing the nurses and the doctors that gave me odd looks. My mind was blank. My head couldn't wrap around what had just happened. This was worse than my old roommate or Thomas dying. This was like someone had ripped a part of my heart and soul. It was as if they didn't even bother to give me anesthesia, but rather unmercifully cut my skin and tore it up and threw it out of the operating room.

So this is what it felt like, losing the person that you love. And I hated it.

After several minutes of loathing myself, I slowly walked back into Ivy's room. A lump began to form in my throat. I had to be strong, even if I was in love with someone else. _I_ chose to be with Ivy; I was going to be there for her no matter what. I could be strong. Not for me but for Reed _and_ Ivy. The two girls, so different, yet so alike. The two girls who unknowingly shaped my life; who were unknowingly shaping my past, present, and future. As messy as this sounded, that was the way my life was going.

So I walked into Ivy's room, trudging my way in. She looked so feeble and weak. Her eyes were closed, and all the angry lines were gone from her face. Instantly, my heart went out to her. _Now is not the time to think about Reed_, I thought. _You can do this Josh Hollis. You really can. _

I went to sit on the empty chair next to her bed. The doctors had already called her parents; they were going to be here in about two hours. I sighed and ran my fingers through my unruly curls. This was so messy. Why did Ivy have to stand right behind Reed? Didn't she see Sabine holding the gun at her? Why couldn't she just wait for the cops?

I realized that I was angry at her, when I shouldn't be. She obviously cared about Reed and rushed in to help. It was noble, considering everything the two went through. But if she hadn't, none of this would have happened…

I sighed. Ivy was a great person. She really was. Nobody saw how great she is except Reed (how ironic) and I. And I really did care for her. She wasn't Reed but she was someone. I took her small and limp hand and wrapped it around mine. I brought her hand to my lips and kissed it, my lips lingering for a few seconds longer. Her eyes fluttered for a split second, but they went back to being still.

"Remember the first time you came to talk to me?" I started off. I inhaled. It was when I had told Reed to pretty much fuck off in the art room, and Ivy came in right after that. "I was obviously angry and upset. But you said just to laugh. You said that it would help. It would make _her_ feel bad" I laughed forcefully, "but you also said I needed it. And you know what, it really did help."

I took my other hand and rubbed it against my eyebrows. I swallowed. "I wish I could do that now" I whispered, my tears threatening to fall. "God this is screwed up" I said all the while burying both of hands inside my face. The incessant beeping from the machine didn't help; it only annoyed me even more. I rested my head on Ivy's bed, feeling extremely exhausted all of a sudden. This was a lot to take in one day. I had heard, from some crazy person, that Reed was drugged when I found her with Dash, and my current girlfriend was in the hospital. Why didn't I let Reed explain just like she had done to me? Why was I a complete jackass?

Now I got it. All the time I was with Reed, I thought she was going to slip away. Right when Thomas died, all I could think about was how I was going to get her. She could finally be mine; the question was, did she want me? And when she got used to the life of Billings I detested, it made me angry and desperate. I fell in love with her knowing that she didn't care about clothes and money, but that seemed to change. For me, at least.

Then along came Ivy. I felt like a badass, hooking up with someone I had barely known. I knew for a fact I was making Reed feel bad. Deep down however, I felt horrible. I knew I was hurting her; my mind was clouded and I didn't give a shit.

But over time, Ivy became someone more than a quick make out session. She understood how I felt and she tried. I'm sure she knew I wasn't planning to have a long relationship with her, but that all changed when…

***

_We were sitting quietly in Ivy's room, doing our homework on her bed when she asked:_

_"Do you still love Reed?"_

_I froze. Why was she asking me this question? Reluctantly, I looked up. She was staring at me intently. She didn't look judgmental; in fact, she seemed genuinely curious. I swallowed. Did I love her? Or was that a fragment of what I thought was love?_

_I frowned. "Um…no, I guess? It's been a while…" Shoot, it barley sounded convincing to either one of us. Secretly, my heart was hammering. I knew that I was lying. I could never get over Reed despite what she had done. Sure it was going to take some time, but now wasn't the time. I couldn't look at her. _

_Ivy swallowed. Her face hardened and she lifted her chin up, a habit she did when she was confident about something. "Yes you do" she said quietly. I gave her a protested look, and I planned to retaliate when she said "I'm not stupid. You guys were definitely something. When people usually break up over something like that, it's very hard to get over it because it was out of the blue. You never would have thought of that, right? And I know you'll never think of me that way" she looked down, a little embarrassed. "But I really care about you. I'll try no matter what. I'll wait. I really will."_

_I couldn't believe she just said that. She looked so small and vulnerable. Her heart was out in the open, something she never did. She continued to look down, a scarlet blush forming on her smooth cheeks. Despite her knowing that I was still in love with Reed, she stayed with me, hoping that it would turn for the better._

_Instantly, I felt horrible. I was using her and I hated myself for that. Ivy was a normal human being who wanted to be loved just like everyone. In an instant, I knew that I had developed feelings for her. She was funny and laid back. She understood when I needed my space and when I clearly didn't. She let me get my thoughts straight about Reed, but in reality, I never did. Ivy wasn't Reed. But she was someone who I cared about, and that was enough._

_Slowly, I put my books aside and started to lean in. Her head was still hanging low, and I lifted it up with my hand. I looked into her gorgeous eyes; I saw some tears of embarrassment and rejection forming on her eyes. I cupped her face with my hand and gave her the sweetest kiss I could ever give. I poured all I could give her in that moment- not necessarily love- but something equivalent to that. Something that in time would grow into love. _

***

I hadn't realized I started to cry. The bed and the back of my hand were soaked in tears. I totally messed everything up. I had fallen for two girls. Not only was I hurting myself in the process, but Reed and Ivy also. I deeply cared about the two. It wasn't because they were good kissers or we just had history, they each had something about them that got me hooked. I had no idea on what to do. I acted like a child, and this was the price I had to pay. I hurt Reed by going out with Ivy right after we broke up, and I hurt Ivy by going out with her, even though I still had feelings for Reed. I realized, with a sense of dark humor, that I would need more pills for my emotional heartache. But I'm sure that was nothing compared to what Reed and Ivy were going through. I was officially a fucktard. I officially, as Gage called it, fucked it upside the head pretty hard. Real hard.

* * *

so, what do you think? should i continue? if i do, its probably not going to be that long considering nothing really happened (i think) while he was on winter break so yeah, tell me what you think.

review please!


	2. Fault Lines

Fault Lines

"Hey, watch it there" I said to Ivy. She clung on to me with her right arm, still not used to the fact that she had a cast on. She grunted, obviously frustrated.

"I'm beginning to feel for 50 Cent. I mean getting shot once is hard enough, but thirteen times? Damn" she said. I laughed. We were still in the hospital; however, today was the day Ivy was going home. In a span of eight days, she became notorious in the hospital for her constant nagging if whether or not she could go home.

"Come on you silly goose" I said. I frowned; when did I ever say silly goose? I looked over at Ivy and saw her giving me a weird expression. At this, we both chortled at my stupid remark and we continued down the hall. A few yards down, we saw Ivy's parents talking to the doctor, looking very pleased and relaxed. The first day was a complete hassle. Her parents were total train wrecks. Her father called Headmaster Cromwell and screamed at him for about twenty minutes, saying he was a horrible headmaster for letting a stalker and a murderer slip past them. Even though it was pretty harsh, it was still true. I had received a text the next day by Trey telling me that he had resigned. Mr. Slade obviously had some serious power to get him to step down that fast.

"Josh, we're so glad you're here" smiled Ivy's mom. I smiled back and said:

"Of course I'd be here. Why wouldn't I?" I said, all the while looking back at Ivy. She blushed and her mother only smiled back. While Ivy was still knocked out, Mrs. Slade, in one of those rare mother/boyfriend moments, told me that she was glad I was with her. She went on to explain how Ivy's grandmother death took a very large toll on her and she felt that Ivy would never be the same. Ivy had already told me everything, about how she and Cheyenne tried to get into Billings, and everything that happened after that. I was glad that Mrs. Slade felt that way about me, but…

I still felt horrible. Not a day went by where I didn't think about Reed. My mind would always drift back to what Reed was possibly doing in St. Barth's. Was she out shopping with Noelle and all her friends? Was she partying every day, not even thinking about me? Did she have a boyfriend? No, that was impossible. She still loved me (I think). The note that she gave me definitely proved something. So no, she did not have a boyfriend.

But why should it matter if Reed had a boyfriend or not? She had every right to move on. I chose to be with Ivy, and by doing that, it pretty much told Reed that she was free to fall in love with anyone else. She was free to do anything. She was free from me. Me, Josh Hollis who was still in love with her.

Not only that, I failed to call her. Every time I would go to "phonebook" and look at Reed's name on my screen, my hand would already be shaking. Should I call her or no? She had made me promise that I would update her about Ivy. But did she really want to know? Did she want me to be the bearer of news? Did she even care if I called?

I would usually shake my head at this point and think to myself, _this is wrong. You are with Ivy. She really cares about you and you should do the same. By being with her, you're showing her that you care about her. So just stop thinking about Reed._

Still, it was getting harder and harder every day.

"Josh? Hello, earth to Josh" Ivy moved her good hand across my face, looking for any sign if I was paying attention.

"Wha…oh, sorry" I said. I blushed, feeling embarrassed for spacing out in front of Ivy. Ivy was no longer holding onto my arm, having been able to master standing by herself by now.

"Ok…well, we're leaving soon so…" she trailed off. I smiled at her and wrapped my arm around her waist, feeling her snuggle against me. It felt nice. We went down to the main lobby and headed out into her limo, leaving for Boston. I was going to stay with Ivy for a day or two, then return to spend some of my winter break with my family. We were later joining together, my family and Ivy's family, for Christmas no longer going to Paris because of Ivy's condition.

As Ivy and I climbed into the car and headed out for Boston, my mind began to drift off and I began to think about Reed. God, this was getting old. But why was I thinking about Reed? The obvious was that I had found out she was drugged when I saw her with Dash, and it was a mistake for dumping her. Knowing that, I could've broken up with Ivy right then and there. But I didn't. Why didn't I?

I hated the fact that I was a damn boy scout. Even though I still loved Reed, I couldn't be the mean guy who dumped his current girlfriend who was shot because of me. It was wrong. It was against my morals- pretty much everyone's morals.

Did morals really count? Did they count when you truly, truly loved someone? Was it wrong to go against the norm and do what your heart tells you? Or was it a different reason as to why I didn't leave Ivy…

I loved her. Goddammit, I really did. She was my rock, a shoulder to lean on. Although it was fast, in a span of three months, I really did love her. Probably not the same as Reed, but it sure was something. That was why I didn't leave Ivy. I could've. But I didn't. I didn't because I loved her.

And I loved Reed.

But did I really love her? Sure I missed her, but whatever it was- the past- it was an echo of what could've been. We changed. We really did. And I wasn't so sure if it was going to be the same again.

Fuck. This was getting out of hand. How did I end up in this mess in the first place? How did I manage to create the worst heartache of the century?

"Hey, we're here." It was Ivy. I snapped out of my thoughts and looked around. Sure enough, we were here. It looked completely different, as opposed to when Ivy hosted the Legacy. There certainly weren't any drunk people around. She smiled at me lovingly, and I squeezed her hand. I could think about my recent predicament and focus on my confusing feelings later.

Slowly, we walked inside, the snow lightly falling down on our faces before we got in. When we entered, it was empty, considering the last time I came here and it was jam packed with people. And what happened with Reed and I…

I shook my head from the memory that was threatening to take over. It…it really was a lovely home. While Ivy and I adjusted, Mr. and Mrs. Slade barked orders to the maids and everyone else, trying to make everything better for Ivy. I stood in the middle of the foyer, not sure what to do, when I felt an arm snake around my waist. I turned around and smiled at Ivy. "So, would you mind giving me a tour?" I asked sweetly.

She fluttered her eyes at me and smirked. "Ok I'm like really, really tired." I pouted at her and she said "Come on! _I_ was the one who got shot. And I really miss home. And…" she said seductively, "you can always come into my room" she traced my lips with her fingers, "whenever you like."

I raised an eyebrow and said "Ooh, let me check my schedule first…" she playfully punched me in the arm with her good hand; despite her other arm being in a cast, it still hurt. I laughed and she joined in. We slowly made our way up the stairs, me supporting Ivy. Although I smiled and laughed along with her, my mind started to drift off, and I started to think about what I had thought about earlier. About how I loved both Ivy and Reed. Was it possible to love both girls at once? Not only that, what should I do? Should I stay with Ivy, someone who was so close to capturing my heart, or be with Reed, the girl who already had?

"So yeah, I'm really not sure. I mean…" I didn't realize we were already inside Ivy's room. Dammit! Why did I have to space out so much?! Ivy was sitting on her bed, and I was standing up, facing her. I was aware of Ivy looking very frustrated and upset. _Oh no, she knows something is wrong_.

She took a deep breath sharply. "Jesus Josh. What is wrong with you?! You space out all the time! Why?! Is it because you always think about Reed? Is it because you love her and would rather be with her? Why are you even here?" she practically screamed.

"I heard all of Sabine's confession. I know that Reed was drugged. I always knew you loved her. But I thought in time, your heart would heal and I would be there. And when I found out you were still with me, I couldn't help but think…" she sighed. "Why are you doing this to me? Why are you giving me false hope?"

I underestimated Ivy. I should have given her more credit. However, I felt awful. I hadn't realized that I was giving her false hope. I thought whatever I was doing was for the better. I just made this very complicated love triangle even worse. I was hurting everyone in the process.

Tears of frustration fell down on Ivy's cheeks. Her beautiful face was red with anger and sadness, and she looked vulnerable and hurt. I was frozen. I had no idea as to what to do. She had the right to ask those questions. And I had no how to answer them.

She sat there, her eyes demanding an answer. I swallowed. I started off twice before continuing. "Ivy…I care about you. I do." I went over to her, went down to my knees, and grasped her hands with mine. I stared deep into her eyes; all I saw was agony. My mouth became dry and I couldn't speak. Her tear streaked face looked hopeful and Ivy waited for me to say something. I honestly didn't know what to say.

I inhaled. "I'm going to be honest with you" I started off slowly. "I…love…you. I love _both_ of you. And I don't know what to do" I said. She continued to stare at me, trying very hard not to explode with the rush of emotions. "I need some closure, you know? If Reed has moved on then…so be it. If she hasn't…" I trailed off. I had to choose my words carefully.

Ivy scoffed. "If she hasn't, then you'll run back to her and leave me" she whispered, finishing the sentence she thought fit best. More tears fell down and she began to cry. Really cry.

Oh God, that was one of the most heartbreaking moments ever. She truly cared about me. But she was scared. She was scared that I was going to leave her. But I couldn't. I wouldn't. Didn't she just hear me say that I loved her? Maybe not as much as I was capable of, but I did love her.

I tied my hands even tighter around Ivy's. Intensity burned in me. "If she hasn't…that's the hardest part Ivy. That's what's eating me every day. I love both of you, and I can't hurt you guys. I don't want to lose you, Ivy. But I don't want to lose Reed either." There. That was the best I could do.

Several minutes of silence rolled in. Ivy's crying eventually subdued. I kept staring at her, having no clue as to what to say. I waited for her to get her thoughts straight. Ivy inhaled.

"I don't want to wait. I'm really, really tired of waiting for you to get your thoughts straight. But…I…understand" she finished slowly. "I guess there could be some excruciating pleasure in waiting for you to truly be mine, but also knowing that you're still here with me" she whispered. Ivy fruitlessly tried to smile in hopes of masking her true pain.

My chest swelled, happy to know that Ivy was still giving me time, but also sad, knowing that I hurt her tremendously. I pursed my lips, not wanting to press this delicate subject even more. She needed her rest. I leaned in, and gave her a kiss. I poured everything I could in that- my apologies, my guilt, even my love for her. We broke apart, a prefect little crystal fell down on Ivy's cheek. I wiped it away and she kissed my hand. Slowly, I walked out of the room, leaving Ivy looking somewhat content yet sad. This was going to take some time.

As I walked to my room that the Slade's had picked out for me to stay in, my phone buzzed. It indicated to me that it was a picture message. And from Noelle nonetheless. Why would Noelle be sending me a message? I thought she hated me. Regardless, I opened my inbox. What I saw next was definitely something I wasn't prepared to see.

There was a picture of Noelle, Reed, and another man with them. Noelle annoying face was plastered in the front of the picture; she probably took it herself. Reed looked ravishing in her simple swimsuit and she looked plain beautiful. The guy was well…handsome. By the looks of it, the picture seemed to be taken from the beaches of St. Barth's. But that's not what made my heart sink. It was the fact that the guy's arms were securely wrapped around Reed's waist and his face was tucked behind her neck. His head rested on her shoulder and he seemed to be screaming _she's mine! Only mine!_

But…she was smiling. She was smiling and looking back at him with such admiration, my heart broke. Reed looked completely at ease. Like she didn't have a care in the world. Like she didn't care that Josh Hollis was still in love with her. I tried to look for anything- any sign that would tell me that my mind was playing tricks on me. But I couldn't. It was real. It was authentic. The feelings behind it were real. And I hated it.

So she had moved on. Reed was living her life without me. And I can tell you, never in my entire life, did I ever feel so empty.

* * *

so, what do you think? i promise, next chapter will be when every one comes back to easton (when i get a copy of suspicion). i just wanted to explain why josh and ivy were still together at the end of suspicion and what prompted him to stay with ivy. i felt like i kind rushed. and i just did this today. i had a little writers block but i guess not anymore :)

thanks for the reviews everyone! love you

reviews please :)


	3. You'll Never Know

You'll Never Know

"Ready to go back?" I asked Ivy as the limo stopped in front of Easton. Easton. I was finally coming back to this place; the place where I met Reed, where I acted like an asshole, where I met Ivy, where…

She grasped my hand even tighter and looked at me. She looked a little scared, but in two seconds she managed to mask it. "Yeah. It's just…Easton. It's just a school" Ivy finalized. I knew better, however. This was not Easton. This was a place where love, hate, envy, drama, and heartaches thrived. This was a place where we couldn't escape, no matter how much we ran. What happens in Easton definitely doesn't stay in Easton.

Ivy looked brave and confident; I wish I could do the same. But I couldn't. Today was the day I was finally going to see Reed. How was I going to explain Ivy and I still being together? How was I going to explain why failed to call her? How was I going to explain how much I still loved her, even though I loved Ivy also?

Mine and Ivy's relationship was precarious and soft. There was caution in every movement, every word. There were places where we didn't want to go, let alone talk about it. We were standing at the edge of a knife. But somehow, it felt rock solid. Whatever we went through only made us stronger, as weird as that sounds. We-Reed, me, and Ivy- could never forget everything that happened. Whereas Reed and I ended and left it hanging, Ivy and I settled it in some sort of fashion. It was going to take some time, but it would eventually patch itself up.

"Come on Josh. Let's go" said Ivy. I took a deep breath. I could do this. I really could. In about five months, I would graduate from this godforsaken place and leave this dreaded school. And about Reed…all I had to do was ask how she was, what happened, and be polite. I had taken my pills, so my emotions were in check. I think.

I heard about what happened to Reed while she was on winter break from Gage, out of all people. The day he told me that Reed disappeared, I almost died. What was up with people wanting to destroy Reed? Not only that, a couple days before she disappeared, she was pushed off a boat by someone! I was on the edge the whole week while Reed was missing. All I wanted to do was run to St. Barth's and rescue Reed myself. But I stayed, as usual, and let someone else do the work. I sighed. It was in the past; I could do nothing to change it.

As we slowly stepped out of the car and walked through the front gates, I couldn't help but feel rejuvenated even though I had some harsh feelings for this school. My hand was still intertwined around Ivy's, not wanting to let go. She tightened the grip and led me through. I smiled; I loved it when she took control of situations.

"Hey Josh! What's up man?" I heard. I turned around and saw Trey, my roommate, bouncing his way over here. I sure was glad to see him.

"Hey Trey! How was winter break?" I asked. He stopped, pink in the face from the cold. He exchanged pleasantries with Ivy and said:

"Good, good. Dude, you won't believe what I just saw. These really big tractors and cranes are coming this way to tear down Billings! Billings! They're actually tearing it down! I can't believe it. I'm sure it'll suck for the girls who were living in there."

_What?_

They were actually tearing Billings down? Billings out of all? The building that had all the wonders, the money, the clothes, and a promised future? The building that had a special place for Reed, Noelle, and everyone who lived there ever since its existence?

"Ohmigod! Why? That's so…weird" exclaimed Ivy. I knew Ivy hated Billings and pretty much everyone in there. I was pretty sure that she was trying to stifle a smile that was creeping up, but she managed to keep it in seeing my expression. Good.

Reed. Poor, poor Reed. How was she going to cope with this? I knew that she was staying in Pemberly, but I'm pretty sure that by now Noelle and Reed patched things up. And I'm pretty sure Reed was guaranteed a spot in Billings. Not only did I feel bad for Reed and all the inhabitants, I kind of felt bad for Noelle. Yup, I felt bad for that controlling bitch.

"I don't know, but…" As if on cue, two big tractor-like machines came by, rumbling their way in. They reeked of gasoline and blue collar workers. They nonchalantly came in, soiling Easton's pristine bricks and its gardens. This was wrong. It was disgusting. Even though I didn't like Billings and what it stood for, they were destroying something historic. It was like the Gwendolyn Hall for girls, even for hundreds and hundreds of Billings's alumni. Expertly, one of the machines tore down the east wall of Billings. By now, people had started to crowd around to get a better look. Some annoying girls who were probably envious of the Billings girls started to laugh. I was speechless.

I was remotely aware of more students piling inside Easton, all of them shocked. I shook my head. This was absurd. "Hey, let's go. It's getting hectic" I told Ivy. She turned to me and nodded. I fastened my grip around her hand even more. Whatever. Billings wasn't my problem, and it held no special place for me. I could think about this later.

We started to walk towards Pemberly, ignoring the points and stares that people were giving Ivy. "God, I just got shot. They make it seem like I was in some gang war or something" said a frustrated Ivy. I laughed. It really was comical the way people were pointing and staring.

"Tell me about it" I said in agreement. "I bet they're wondering if you have a big ass battle wound" I added. She wrapped her arm around my waist and said:

"Fuck yeah. It's one hell of a story to tell." Both of us started to laugh and we continued to walk. I ignored the people, mostly because I was pretty sure Reed had arrived by now, or she was probably coming later. I kept my head bent low, not wanting to attract attention. Suddenly, I felt Ivy stop moving. She tugged my arm. "Josh…Reed is here."

_Reed._ She was finally here. She really was here, flesh and blood. My heart started to hammer, and I couldn't think straight. I thought she was still recovering, but knowing how stubborn she was, she probably insisted on coming. I slowly turned around and saw her.

She was standing next to a very distraught Noelle. Both were frozen, obviously troubled by the sight in front of them. Reed's chestnut brown hair moved along with the wind, and she looked breathtaking. Serene and beautiful…this was the Reed that I fell in love with.

"I think we should meet her. Ask her how she's doing…" I had told Ivy everything that happened to Reed, getting my updates from Gage. She was just as distressed as I was and she was the one who suggested that we should go visit her in St. Barth's. But I had said no.

She dragged me along, feeling my uneasiness. What was I going to say? Oh God, this was too much. How…what…what was I going to do? As much as I loved Ivy, Reed was a different case. Things weren't healed yet between us, and that mystery was the magnetic force that made me question my relationship with Ivy. Did she still love me, even though she had a boyfriend? Did she even care?

We approached her after what as an eternity. My heart was pounding like crazy. I felt weak at the knees and I wanted to run. I wanted to run away from the truth. But I could do this. It wasn't that hard, right? All I had to do was say hi. That's it.

"Reed."

I saw her react to my voice. She tensed up, and ever so slightly curled her fingers. She squared her shoulders and turned around. Oh shit. Oh God, how did she end up like this?

She was broken. Ruined. She looked like a complete mess. Her sparkling blue eyes were lost and she looked gaunt and pale, despite the Caribbean sun. Well, she had a major tan and some sunburn parts, probably all thanks to being stranded on an island. But…I couldn't put it into words. My heart shattered into pieces. She looked vulnerable. All I wanted to do was to hug and hold her until all her sadness was gone. I saw her eye both of our hands together.

"You're here." _Duh jackass_. "I…we heard about what happened. I figured you'd still be…recovering. I mean, are you all right?" _Of course not you idiot. She went through hell for the past semester, and her home is gone. You made her feel like crap. So no, she's not all right._

My eyes flickered past Reed's shoulder at what was left of Billings. Today, every girl who lived there, who ever dreamed of living there, their hopes were demolished. There was nothing to hope for. Nothing.

"Of course she is. This is Reed Brennen we're talking about." Ivy released me and went to hug Reed. It was an honest hug, and I felt proud at Ivy for putting the small amount of negativity away. Reed looked a little taken aback, but hugged her back even more. I then saw her look at me; really look at me. Her blue eyes shone with hope. I knew she was looking for a sign that would tell her that I'm all hers. But I didn't. I didn't because I didn't want to. I didn't want to give us- Ivy, me, and Reed- false hope. My heart crumbled seeing the disappointment on her face.

"How are you feeling?" asked Reed. Ah, the always sensitive, caring Reed. That was one of the many things I lo-

"I feel amazing. Nothing like starting all over, right?" replied Ivy. I saw Reed struggle to come up with a response, but she couldn't. Of course she couldn't. Her future home was destroyed. She just went through another near death experience. She was probably wondering why I wasn't with her, but rather Ivy.

As she tried to come up with something to say, I saw her eyes drift over to the gates. After a couple of seconds, she smiled obviously knowing who the person was. I turned around and looked only to see a limo with two boys standing there. Who were they? One of them was tall and built and he had blonde hair, and the other seemed to be his brother with a darker shade of blonde. I saw the blonde haired boy wave at Reed and she smiled back. He seemed kind of shy. I was beginning to hate him already. How dare he smile at Reed? And how did they even know each other?

But that smile. That damn beautiful smile. When she smiled at that already annoying boy, she poured respect, admiration, and maybe a little love in it? It lit up her whole face. I knew that smile so well. It was the one that she gave me before a kiss, or saying anything witty. But now, she spent it all on the mystery boy standing by the gates.

And she saved none for me.

* * *

**thanks for the reviews everyone! love you :) so, what do you think? should i continue and write josh's pov of scandal when i'm writing my own? or should hit the complete button and leave ya'll hanging till the real scandal comes out? tell me what you think! they will be appreciated.**

**reviews please!**


	4. Pillage

**A/N: I told you I'd be back! Thanks for supporting me and all of that. I know this chapter is small, but I'm trying to cook some things up, and try to stay as real as Kate Brian had it in Scandal. Also, all mistakes are by me, so pardon me on that. **

**On a side note, check out my new Private oneshot called "Just Once." It's a Sawyer/Ivy one; odd pairing, aren't they? **

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Pillage

An hour before my alarm rings.

Thirty minutes before my alarm rings.

Two minutes left before my alarm rings.

It was officially Monday morning. It was officially I-feel-like-an-ass day. Today was the day I was going to see and probably have to talk to her (again). Today was the day-

"Hey, man! Get up; first day of the new year!" Trey called out. I groaned despite being awake for the past two hours. Keeping up the act, I ran my hands over my eyes, yawning as I did so. The morning sun emanated through the window, momentarily blinding me. After much persuasion from Trey, I finally got up, still keeping the acting up.

"So, man . . . What are you going to do today?" I heard Trey ask. Slowly, I lifted my head to see Trey's concerned eyes peering down at me. Of course he was going to ask about Reed.

I snorted and said, "Go to school you idiot." I shoved the covers aside and actually yawned, grabbing my towel and toiletries. Now way in hell could I tell him how guilty and shitty I felt. As much as I felt horrible, I was still a coward. It was my way of dealing things – and away I ran when I had it came forth.

Reed wasn't the only problem I had to deal with today. Sawyer and Graham Hathaway have come back to haunt me, and judging by their scathing looks, they didn't want to see me at all. I remembered Sawyer from my old school, and he was a pretty level-headed guy. Graham, on the other hand, was a stubborn and fierce person. Even when I was dating Jen, he still acted tough and a complete dick around me.

Jen. I knew something had happened to her when junior year was almost over. I had gotten news by a couple of people I had kept in touch with in my old school, and their news shocked me to the core. They had told me she died when I first found out, but onwards, I realized she killed herself. Again, guilt swarmed me. I had already felt responsible for my roommate's death, and now Jen?

Jen and I dated at the end of freshmen year and onto sophomore year. Of course, sophomore year was when my roommate died. It was a pain in the ass to say the least. I was mentally unstable, and Jen's repeated questions and badgering pushed me over the edge. She wasn't a horrible person, and she definitely wasn't the kind of girl who was nagging. She hung out with the guys, and had a sailor's mouth to go along with her tomboyness.

I was going through some tough times. Jen tried and helped, but I kept pushing her away. And during that time, I made her feel unloved. Eventually, she started getting heavy on drugs. I knew she smoked pot on some occasions, and at the time, it was cool. When we broke up, it was sort of mutual. We both knew we had changed; me being on pills and her hanging out with the rave kids. But the thing was I didn't know how deep she got in – the drugs and _me_.

We were young and foolish. But falling in love our freshmen year? It was to ludicrous to even think about _that_. She did anyway and I had no idea. The fact was, she was such a casual camper – a few make-out sessions here and there, and the next minute, she was leaving my dorm to hang out with the girls. I lost my virginity to her, but thankfully, sex wasn't a relationship changing experience for her. It was just another way to communicate our intimacy with each other. She never mentioned going on romantic dates, and I didn't bother to ask.

And the drugs. I must admit, when we were dating, I began to smoke some weed. It was a once every five months occurrence, but I did it nonetheless. I knew she liked partying hard, loving the rave scene. Jen expressed to me several times how much she wanted to move to Great Britain and get involved with the underground scene, whatever the hell that was. And after we broke up, withdrew myself from her life, not noticing the subtle hints of three hours of sleep and the dark circles under her eyes.

I don't know if it was from me. I really don't. All I know is that Graham and Sawyer hate me, and our relationship ended badly. Well, not badly – the last communication we had was an argument. It was long and lengthy, and eventually, Graham and Sawyer got involved. And that was that. I moved to Easton and was happy. For a while.

I had no idea Reed knew Graham and Sawyer. But she did, and it made me want to beat the shit out of them. Who were they to worm their way in Reed's life? Stupid fuckers.

Of course, it didn't help when Jen died and Graham almost came to my house to kill me. Threats and all the nice stuff came pouring in. I didn't hate Graham. I understood he was still grieving. But later on, it got too much to handle, and I had to tell him to back off. Which he did, but unwillingly.

Until now.

2010 sucked so far.

Backing away from my thoughts and Trey's lingering question, I made my way to the bathroom. I took a quick shower, trying to soothe my nerves. But as I let the rain fall on my back, my stomach churned, I felt dizzy, and I really wanted to run. Fuck. I was such a fucking coward. The idea ran through my veins, and it wasn't bothering to leave my system.

Wrapping a lone towel on my hips, I ran to my room, suddenly wondering where Sawyer and Graham's rooms were. I hoped to God they weren't on my floor. If they were, well . . .

It wouldn't be nice.

Being a fucking girl I was, I spent several minutes deciding my outfit. Should I wear the dark blue Ralph Lauren or my Burberry my mother bought me? And what scarf would match with that?

"Dude, stop acting like a fucking girl and get your ass out of here," I heard someone say. I whipped my head to the side and saw none other than Gage leaning on the door frame, rubbing his stomach as if he was hungry.

Turning my attention back to my closet, I mumbled, "It's the first day of school."

Gage scoffed. "First day of school my ass – I know you're stalling, Hollis." I stiffened, realizing the amount of truth to those words. Damn it; since when did his brain start working?

I faced him, trying to keep my demeanor calm and cool. "It's called looking sharp and a Goddamn gentleman, something you're not," I retorted. Surprisingly, I felt a spark of anger wash over me. Frowning, I put my undivided attention to my clothes, not wanting to dwell on how stupid I felt.

I don't know how long Gage stood there, but before he left, I heard him say, "I guess I can bring you some Pop-Tarts during chapel."

Now I was angry. Why? I don't know. But I was. Was I that pathetic that even Gage was being nice to me? Who did he think I was? A poor, sad, little pill popping boy who lost his girlfriend?

Well, it was true, unfortunately.

Several minutes I stood there, not having a single clue as to how I was going to deal with today. I shook my head; feeling tired, I slipped on a simple shirt and fixed my hair. I glanced at my watch, seeing how much time had passed and I better get going. Grabbing my coat, I flung my door open and raced down the hall, trying to catch an elevator door. I saw one almost closing, and I called out a "Wait!" Someone stuck out their foot, and I jogged a little faster, skidding in my tracks.

Fuck. Graham and Sawyer were in the elevator. Sawyer was looking calm and indifferent, whereas Graham's face was a bright crimson. What was I supposed to do? Should I go down with them? Or should I-

It didn't matter. In less than two seconds, Graham was furiously pressing the _door close_ button, keeping a fixed eye on me like a hawk. I knew what he was saying. He was saying stay the hell away from me.

Sure thing, Mr. I-have-serious-anger-management-problems. Sure thing.


	5. Missing You

**A/N: Wow, thank you guys so much for reviewing. You are all very lovely and generous with your kind words. :)**

**Oh man, I'm so tired. Please forgive me if there are any mistakes. I did this in about 2-3 hours, with homework, so it's not the best work of art. Again, sorry. **

Missing You

"Josh, where were you at breakfast? I was worried," a voice called out. I turned my head around, Ivy's bouncing figure coming closer to me. After the incident by the elevator, I hung out in my room a bit until it was time for me go get my ass moving. We were outside, a few paces away from the chapel. Easton's student body was still at breakfast. I briefly wondered if Sawyer and Graham were there, sitting with Reed and her group of friends.

Fuck me. That was _not_ a good thought.

Ivy stared at me, her red lips vaguely pouting, her dark hair flapping with the wind. I swallowed. She smiled. Why oh why did she have to smile and be so – nice?

Feeling slightly nervous, I ran my fingers through my hair. "I . . . had to take care of something. Let's go inside; its cold," I replied back, leaving several things out. Even though our relationship was an honest one (to an extent), I did not want to burden her with my problems from my past; she already had enough to deal with. Besides, it wasn't something to worry about.

Ever so slightly, Ivy's warm and soft hand covered mine, gently coaxing me to go inside with her. Instantly, guilt came crashing down on me. She did not deserve my hand in between hers. She didn't deserve to be with someone who was torturing her, softly yet surely.

I was officially Mister Josh Jackass Hollis. Goddamn it, I even had fucking alliteration to go along with my nickname.

We went inside, and right when we entered, something seemed very unusual. I glanced sideways at Ivy, and she shrugged back. After a moment of trying to pinpoint what the change was, Ivy squeezed my hand, heading towards her spot while I went to the boys side. A stab of pain shot through me, seeing her head fall down a bit as she sat down.

Ah, now I understood – it was actually warm in the place. Spencer Hathaway had wonderful persuasive skills, inviting people inside a cozy place, telling us God knows what.

As I slumped down in my own seat, the students began piling in. My heart thumped every time the door opened, hoping, my life line skipping at the possibility that I would see Reed walk through the wooden doors. Instead, I kept my eyes trained ahead, glaring at the podium where _Headmaster Hathaway_ would stand. I idly wondered if he knew how much Graham and Sawyer hated me. Most likely not.

Everyone chattered around me. The room suddenly became louder, the whispering rising above the pressing of cell phone buttons and the chewing of gum. Trying to see what the commotion was, I turned my head around, and found none other than the three Hathaway's walking down the aisle like they were fucking Prince Charles and the boys were Harry and William.

Just to be clear, royalty did _not_ suit them.

Spencer took the podium while his boys sat down in the two chairs neatly displayed on the stage. I saw a few girls giggle, whispering and pointing at the boys. One look at them made me realize they weren't something to look at. They were just a bunch of over emotional boys who didn't know how to handle their feelings. Perhaps I should give them my medicine.

I glanced back up at the stage, only to find Graham's piercing gaze on me. Automatically, I burned, shame and pure anger coursing through my veins. Suddenly, I began to recall the fight between Jen and I, Graham somehow finding his way in our conversation.

_"You leave her alone, you prick. All you've done is made her cry and make her feel like shit, so I'd suggest you leave." Graham bunched his fists together, his face deathly red. Jen cowered behind him, crying silently as she did so._

_Back then, I didn't have my medicine. Which was why I continued to provoke Graham even further._

_"I was talking to her, and I'm not finished. Asshole."_

Two months later . . .

_"Dude, get a fucking life. Jen and I are not together. Get it inside your stupid brain of yours, and leave me alone."_

_"No way in hell, Hollis. Oh, and by the way? Don't you dare talk to Chloe. Ever."_

_"Or what? You're afraid she'll like me better?"_

_Crack. _

I openly seethed at the memory of my jaw breaking. Again, it was another one of my days in which I forgot to take my medication. I just started with it, and it was kind of hard to get it in my old routine. And again, I irritated Graham, getting a horrible gash on my jaw. After that incident, he left me alone, except when he would call me all moody and drunk, threatening me after Jen had died. I knew the Hathaway's were a tight family, but the boys were taking it hard. Really hard.

My eyes lids flipped open, only to be greeted with Graham glaring down at me. By instinct, I slumped lower in my seat, my back ridged. Hathaway was saying stupid shit, but the only thing I could focus on was Graham; even Reed was temporarily forgotten.

I don't know how long we looked at each other. But Graham would not back down. With fists clenched, his knees bouncing up and down, and his signature stare piercing through me, it was hard to contain myself. I did nothing to deserve his hostility, and it bugged me to no end. We had to talk.

But a part of me told me to wait for a while. Perhaps another couple of years.

Finally, I heard, "Good day to you all," and I fucking ran off, knowing I would explode in a second. I jumped out of my seat and ran into the quad, the cold air wrapping me. I slipped on my coat while thinking of horrible adjectives for Graham.

Asshole, dick, bastard, bitch, prick, cock sucker . . . Eh, I ran out.

Swearing was getting to be a horrible habit for me.

I was thinking about ditching class today as I walked to the nearest tree to calm my nerves. The whole situation with Graham was ridiculous. I would be more than happy to forgive him, but the nerve! His anger seemed to be his drive for everything. He would never try to reconcile.

I paused and shut my eyes, trying to calm my breathing. Right. First things first – I needed to ignore Graham and Sawyer as much as I could. The more I stayed away from them and kept my head low, the better. As for my other problems, that could wait. For now.

"Josh! Wait up!" Ivy rang out. I stopped walking, waiting for her to come. I noticed she was standing with Graham, Sawyer, and Reed, and by golly, I was absolutely fucked. The four of them – Ivy, Graham, Reed, and Sawyer – were all a part of me and I was doing / did some serious damage to them. Ivy sauntered forward, and I really didn't want her to come. I needed to think. I needed to freaking breathe. And I sure as hell didn't need to give her false hope. But she came closer, and my eyes flickered over to Graham. That was all it took – one look, and now I was a blob.

But before I could think, Ivy threw her arms around me and pressed her lips against mine. These days, her kisses were urgent and demanding, as if she thought this was our last time. And I let her.

Using my pent up frustration and sadness, I shoved my tongue inside her warm mouth, and she moaned her approval. Knowing that Reed was probably seeing this only spurred me on, in a bad way, of course. I felt devious. I felt wicked. I felt downright horrible. But I needed a distraction, and Ivy was doing a wonderful job. And with that, I demanded myself to forget for _just one second_.

She pushed me deeper within the trees, no doubt wanting another make-out session. Ivy and I hadn't had sex yet. She probably thought I was still a virgin. In truth, I wanted to _make_ _love_ to Reed, but she was no longer mine. So I held onto that fantasy, all the while denying us some fun.

I was now facing Ivy, my back against a tree where we wouldn't be found for a while. Her hands journeyed down to my chest as I clung onto her waist, her hips, and my fingertips brushing over her breasts. She moaned loud, and I couldn't help but let out a groan. She went down to nibble on my neck, sucking a particular spot and giving me a bite on my earlobe, causing me to clutch her even more and shivering in delight.

Now I was hard. And Ivy knew it.

But I refused to let that get in between. Usually, I would back out by now, coming up with a lame excuse. I was tired of lying and not quenching my thirst. No – not for sex, but just to _feel_ something. Ever since Reed and I broke up, I was masking my feelings, and it hurt. Not just me, but to everyone else.

She continued pleasuring me.

And instead of saying her name, I whispered Reed's, a soft, genuine sound coming from the back of my throat, and the source being my heart.

Ivy looked up at me in equal parts of hurt, leftover lust, and disdain. Her eyes instantly flooded with water, and she released herself from me. "Wow. Nothing's changed, obviously." Her voice shook.

The cold passed between us – not the air, but the mood amongst us. I could imagine what my face looked like: a face of a liar. She stepped back, and in an instant, her demeanor changed. She was no longer looking fragile and vulnerable. "Ivy . . ." I called out, desperate for her to understand. That yes, I love her in some way, but it was impossible for me to give myself completely when I had already done that to someone else.

"I should get to class. I'll see you around." She didn't seem upset, but she seemed . . . defeated. Like she was just holding onto me because she felt she had too.

I didn't like that.

And I'm sure she didn't like that either.


	6. It's Not Enough

**A/N: I believe it is my duty to thank you all for reviewing. I'm sorry this took so long to update, but nonetheless, I have it here. I did this in one day, so please forgive me for any mistakes. **

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It's Not Enough

Basketball games can be boring. Especially the _NBA_ and the _WNBA_. Players are paid ridiculous amounts of money. People constantly talk about it. It's a full blown sensation; part of the American culture. The crowds go wild.

What every person who organizes, buys ads, and promotes the games forgets is that some people don't care.

One person in particular – me.

Case point: Easton versus the annoying school of Barton. Location: Easton gym. Time: worst time possible. Comments: I hated this game. Suggestions: why was my girlfriend sitting with my ex, and why does it does seem like they're friends?

Any more suggestions, aside from the one above: shoot me; how's that for one?

Here I was, sitting and watching girls play wimpy sports. I was sitting next to a couple of boys from my hall, and with Gage and Trey. Slade, a sophisticated version of Gage, was staring rapidly at the sweaty girls. It was a turnoff for me, mainly when Missy was one of the girls playing. She was a nuisance.

"My, my, I hope these girls know what they're doing to me," I heard Slade say. My eyes and brain fought hard not to look down and see the evidence, but I lost. The man was lying anyway.

"You're a sick, fucking homo, Joshy-poo."

"Well, I can't help it. You have no idea how much I fantasize tangling my fingers in your ebony hair, taking you–"

"Uh, stop." Slade snorted and made a look of distaste. "You're a Goddamn gay boy _and_ you paint! No wonder why the girls love you."

I instantly stiffened, immediately thinking about Ivy and Reed. Seemingly on my own accord, my head turned to the side, and sure enough, Reed Brennen was looking at me. My heart beat increased, and if possible, I sweated about ten gallons worth. Then, my sane side of my brain yelled at me to turn my head around, and to stay that way for the rest of the game.

I was such a mess.

"Yeah. No wonder."

The tip off started, and my eyes constantly flickered over to Reed. She was standing with her usual group of friends, smiling and chatting. God, she looked beautiful. Her hair shone in the light, and despite almost dying in the Caribbean, she looked healthy. I was a fool to deny her.

She was on her phone, I saw, and it seemed like she was texting. I frowned, wishing I was texting her nonsense words, sitting next to her and not by hormonal boys. Suddenly, Reed turned her head around and peered right through me.

Time stopped, and I didn't think I would be brought back to reality. What I really wanted to do was sit, talk, explain to her everything, and really, kiss her senseless. I could imagine fisting my hands in her silken hair, feeling her soft lips move against, and her murmuring my name in between kisses. But I also imagined her telling me that she needed to move on, that I now had Ivy . . .

And that was enough for me to look away and never promise anything.

* * *

After the game was over, Ivy and I were chilling at Ketlar. She was waiting for me to go upstairs with her, most likely getting ready to have another make-out session. But she seemed tired and a bit distressed, and she probably just wanted to hang out, so I immediately pushed those thoughts away. Besides, it wasn't good making out with your current girlfriend and thinking about your ex.

Yes, I said it. Every time Ivy's lips were on mine, I tried to think they were Reed's. I was a horrible person.

"Where is my notebook?" I rummaged around my backpack and the papers around me.

"Here," said Ivy, holding the green notebook and smirking as she did so.

I smiled back while grabbing the notebook from her. "I always knew you were a compulsive stealer."

Ivy laughed real loud and made a lunge for my hand. I let her take it, since _I_ was the guilty and selfish one, since I was a stealer – a heart stealer.

We began to walk when suddenly, I saw a couple of people I didn't want to see turn around the corner. Graham and Sawyer were talking animatedly, but their talking stopped when they saw me. I stood still, not sure what to think. Wasn't seeing them at the game and other places enough? It always seemed like we were running into each other.

Ivy, not sensing the cold vibe, said, "Hey! What did you guys think of the game?"

Graham repeatedly stared at me, all the while saying, "It was alright. Excuse us, _please_." Graham whisked away, eventually bumping my right shoulder. I winced at the pain; that man had muscle. Sawyer looked a little guilty, but, as the follower, he went after Graham.

I didn't bother looking back at them. I was shaking for fear and anger, mostly. This was ridiculous.

"Josh?" Ivy's small voice rang out.

I just shook my head, all the while indicating that we would talk somewhere private. Ivy nodded, and we both went inside the elevator. There was no one there. I inhaled and exhaled slowly. Now was the time.

"I-I used to date their sister, Jen, before she killed herself." I paused, feeling the weight of my emotions getting to me. "To make a long story short, they blame me for it."

She was silent. I wasn't looking at Ivy, scared of what her face looked like, also scared of her reaction. Instead, I felt her warm hand squeeze tighter around mine, and a surge of happiness followed.

"I have time to listen."

* * *

Now that I told Ivy what was really going on, I felt a little better, but this was only about the Hathaway situation. Anything that concerned Reed and I was left unspoken.

After my little burst I had in the forest, Ivy was still a little detached from me. I loved her. I honestly did. But it wasn't enough to make me feel whole all over again; Reed took care of that. Each day, the guilt consumed me. I cared enough about Ivy that I was unwilling to let her go. But at the same time, I had to.

I didn't know why Ivy was still with me. Did she think we still had a chance? Maybe. Did I think so too? Perhaps. It all depended on . . . Reed.

If Reed got a boyfriend and was happy, then yes, I would let go of her and devote myself to Ivy or someone else, maybe even finding love. If Reed didn't move on, well, it was getting harder and harder to control my feelings.

But Ivy was so passionate, so intent on making this work. Every time something seemed to be bothering me, she tried to make me happy and lighten the mood. She was always thankful when I was around when she got shot.

(And that was because of me, too.)

I started this clusterfuck, and now I had to end it . . . Somehow.

Regardless, Ivy and I were together, and come one morning when we decided to sit with the Ketlar table for breakfast, it just so happened Graham and Sawyer were there also. Shit, shit, shit.

"Well?" Ivy inquired. She gave me a knowing look, halting in her tracks because of me. I swallowed, and nodded. I could do this. We were just sitting at a table, right?

Ivy took my over to the table and said, "Hey, guys."

"Annoying couple," Gage said. He ended the sentence with a booming laugh. I sure was glad to have him as a friend, despite his womanizer-ness.

Even though the mood was happy and carefree with everyone else, I was still uncomfortable and nervous. The gazes of Sawyer and Graham were burning me. "Ha ha," I fished out. I turned to Trey and said, "Move in."

Trey and I had been a little off. I wasn't telling him anything and he was spending more and more time with the Hathaways'. Nonetheless, he scooted over and gave us room to sit. But just as I sat down, Graham got up. Instantly, I reddened, getting embarrassed by the second. Every time he did something like this, it made the matter worse.

"I'm done," he said acidly. I cringed on the inside, feeling like shit, but angry and upset all over again. His eyes were like sting rays, getting ready to poke me in any second. Slowly, it seemed, Graham came over to our side of the table, and paused to next to Ivy. _What?_

"Hey."

Little bastard didn't deserve to talk to Ivy.

"Hey," Ivy responded back, her tiny hand tightening around my knee. She seemed confused, as was I: Why was Graham talking to her?

"You don't have to leave," Ivy said. _On the contrary, I prefer you do . . . _

"Yeah. I kind of do." He stared at me, shooting daggers. "Excuse me," Graham said while rushing his way out of the cafeteria.

I cowered again and again, embarrassment covering me. Through my peripheral vision, I saw Sawyer next to me. Maybe I could talk to him; after all, he was one of the more sensible of the two.

Well, it seemed like he didn't want that. Even though he had the manners and the shyness to wait more than thirty seconds to leave, he did anyway, moving over so he wouldn't brush past me. I didn't fail to feel another round of shame, let alone see the amount of hostility coming from Sawyer, the nicer one.

However, I failed to see Sawyer ask Reed out for the dance, her replying with a _yes_.

I failed at just about anything.


	7. Stupid

**A/N: Thank you all for reviewing. Technically, I should be studying for finals, but... Here it is. Again, I did this in one day, so please forgive me for mistakes. **

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Stupid

I did my school work, kissed up to my teachers, took my pills, and acted like an ass boyfriend to Ivy. In between the time, however, my thoughts swirled around whether or not I should talk to Reed. My questions flitted between _hi, how are you_ and _hi, I've been such a dick. Want to call a truce? _

_Tap-tap-tap_ my pencil went. I was trying to focus on my time on AP Bio, but it was a lost cause. As I stared off into the distance, I saw a certain someone walking across the quad, getting ready to walk inside the solarium. My heartbeat increased dramatically, and now I felt unprepared.

She walked in, oblivious to my presence. Her hair was long and ethereal, begging to be touched. Reed was only inches away. This was my chance. I could do this. I could, couldn't I?

"Hey, Reed."

I stood up, wanting to give respect to Reed. She was so close . . . I could smell her wonderful scent, and it tightened my airways. Jesus, would my conversations with Reed always be like this?

Swallow, breathe, and–

"What's up?"

"Um, nothing," Reed replied. Her eyes flickered everywhere except to me. Instantly, a pang of sorrow hit me. I created this friction, this uneasiness. The wandering eyes were a result of my stupidity.

"What's up with you?" Reed asked, her voice sounding genuine. She didn't look comfortable, and it seemed like she was in a hurry. I only had a certain amount of time, and I was completely wasting it. My pits, as dirty as this sounds, was pouring out, and I was mortified, to say the least.

"Nothing." A flash of nervousness swept through me, and I gathered my hand to the back of my neck and unnecessarily scratching it. Being unsure of what I wanted to say, I said the worst thing ever imaginable.

"How've you been? I've been meaning to call you . . . I heard about St. Barth's . . ."

What I really wanted to ask was if she was going to the dance (but I already knew the answer). I wanted to ask her how her school work was going, and if she was happy that she was almost done with her junior year. But, of course, I wasn't thinking straight. Now, I was going to pay.

I could tell I pissed of Reed. Hell, I would be too. After all these months, _now_ I was asking her all of the important questions? It was a travesty, not being able to initiate a conversation let alone maintain a healthy relationship.

Her blue ocean eyes went passed my shoulders, and her they went a bit hard. Finally, her eyes snapped back on me. "I'm sorry. I'm kind of meeting someone. I'll . . . see you around, I guess."

Stupid, stupid, stupid.

"Oh. Yeah. OK," I managed to muster out. And with that, she was gone, talking to a fashionable lady and leaving me to my thoughts.

I wish I couldn't think. Thinking took too much of my time.

* * *

Dances. I really hated them. They were always cheap and childish. I understood the dances and balls when I went to in the city, such as the Debutante ball, and other parties rich people liked to throw. But this? This was gay.

It didn't help that Hathaway was making us all go.

"Hey, I'm going to talk to the Headmaster. I had a couple of questions to ask him. Do you mind?" Ivy asked me.

It took every ounce of me to reply back. Watching fucking Sawyer put his fucking _hands_ on Reed's beautiful body was not allowed. That idiot man was groping her, and it sickened me. How dare he?

"You don't need to ask me to talk to the headmaster, Ivy. Go, if you want to," I said, trying to be as nice as I could. Ivy was wearing a flimsy green dress and killer heels; she knew heels were my weakness.

"But, it's one of the Hathaways . . ."

Good grief, she was worried about that? A surge of pride and happiness followed. She was watching out for me and she wanted me to be happy. But, in the end, I was crushing her every second.

With a sad smile I said, "Ivy, it's OK. Go." She smiled back and left, lightly patting my arm.

"Damn, you're girlfriend looks hawt," Gage drawled out. He and Trey were standing next to me, by the door.

"Dude, try not to piss him off. Man looks ready to kill," Trey added. Our relationship was getting better, not that it was ruined, ruined. I was just spending more time with my emo persona, and I wasn't sure if Trey understood why.

I smiled, just to let them know everything was alright. "Yeah, you definitely don't want me to get mad," I joked back.

"Ha! Imagine him jumping on the tables and ripping his Goddamn shirt open . . ." Gage began. I tuned them out, acting as if I was paying attention when I really wasn't.

In reality, I was intently watching Sawyer and Reed. I was being crafty tonight, knowing the precise moment when Reed would turn around, so I could act like I wasn't staring at her. Then, all of a sudden, I captured Reed's head falling onto Sawyer's shoulder. And that sent me into a frenzy.

No, no, no – this couldn't happen. She couldn't be falling for that poor excuse for a boy. She couldn't be dancing with that oddball. She couldn't be dancing with him, out of all people.

And in that precise moment, Reed Brennen, the love of my life, zeroed in right through me. The air was sucked out of me, and all these emotions tumbled over. I reddened, finally finding the fortitude to turn away.

However, I would soon find out turning away from Reed wasn't going to be the hardest thing to do tonight.

Graham had somehow managed to worm his way next to Ivy, dancing and throwing his head back as if nothing was wrong. As the music pumped louder, he got bolder, and I had enough. I had simply enough.

For the first time in a year, my vision went black and I barreled my way through the thick crowd. Step by step, I came closer, only to find Sawyer and Reed there also. Idiot kids were blocking my way, and it took every ounce of me not to beat the shit out of them right there. God, I was angry.

I briefly saw Sawyer trying to keep Graham at bay, but the man obviously had an agenda with him. I was hot. This fucker was being an ass. The more he continued to antagonize me, the more infuriated I got.

"Hey, man. Is that really necessary?" I asked, fighting to control my voice. I could feel the gazes of Ivy, Reed, and Sawyer on me. That only spurred me on. Let them watch – let them watch Josh Hollis get rid of Graham the _humane_ way.

Graham sighed as if he didn't have a care in the world and moved back, but still held onto Ivy's hand. My eyes flickered over to hers, and she clearly seemed confused.

"Back off, Hollis. She doesn't belong to you," said Graham, his eyes glinting.

I was officially and completely pissed. How dare he treat Ivy as if she was a possession? And to think, this man thought I was an ass to his sister.

"I don't belong to anyone, thanks," Ivy shot back. She yanked her arm away, and I was grateful for her feisty attitude.

"Hey. The song's not over," Graham whined. He made a lunge for Ivy's hand. I stopped him before he could get any closer. In a dumb move, I planted my hand on Graham's chest, reacting on instinct. I couldn't let him get within a centimeters distance of Ivy. He needed to back off.

"I think we're done here."

Graham smiled wickedly, as if he knew something I didn't.

"See, that's where you'd be wrong."

With his last parting words, he drew his fist back and let it collide with my jaw.

That fucking hurt. I was immediately thrown back on the floor, and Graham continued to pound me with his fists. I couldn't even fight back. It was impossible to do so. He wasn't stopping, and I had a sickening feeling he wouldn't.

Eventually, someone, or rather someone's, got Graham off of me. God, I was throbbing _everywhere_. My body and my whole face hurt like a mother. My mouth tasted like copper and salt, and the only thing I could do was spit it out. It was disgusting.

During that time, Hathaway came over and asked me if I was alright, and the only thing I could do was shake my head. I liked the man – I really did, and somehow, him asking me if I was alright made me feel downright shitty.

Ivy came over and gently tried to assess the damage. As I looked up, my eyes locked into Reed's. _I'm sorry_, I wanted to say. _I'm sorry for hurting you, I'm sorry for lying to you. I'm sorry_.

I couldn't handle this. I had to leave now. So, forgetting everyone and all the drama, I ran my out of the building. I ran and ran, letting the cold air wash over me. The ice burned my lungs, and I welcomed the blunt pain.

How did this happen? What was going to happen? Why me?

All these questions, and a million more, were going to take a while to answer.

* * *

I had slept in the infirmary for the night. The poor nurse went crazy after seeing my face. She then proceeded to give me an entire lecture of how irresponsible high school kids were.

Once she had cleaned me up, I fell into a deep slumber. I didn't remember my dream. But I did remember Headmaster Hathaway's face looming over mine.

"Get up. Now. You and Graham are going to learn how to act like a proper gentlemen." Seeing how serious he was, I sat up. A loud groan escaped me, and Spencer helped me up. Roughly, that was.

I ended up walking behind him into Hell Hall, and fear gripped me. Was he going to spank us? What about torturing us?

I went inside a door, and it was completely dark. It was silent. Finally, the lights flickered on, and I was greeted with a stoic Graham and tons of furniture, among other items. I surveyed the area. What was so important about this?

"That sort of behavior will not be tolerated. You two need to think about this, and talk with each other. Miscommunication can lead to horrible consequences, as the whole school saw tonight." Here, Spencer paused and faced me. "Josh, I have already spoken with Graham. The rest is up to you two.

"Clean this pile of crap. I want it done by the end of the day. You won't be leaving until I say so. You got it?" His stern, cold eyes bored into ours.

"Yes sir," Graham mumbled.

I dumbly nodded back. My mouth was still hurting.

"Now get to work."

Spencer shut the door behind him, and the silence was deafening. Graham had already turned away from me and was moving some chairs. They rustled and made screeching noises. He made his choice clear.

Well, one thing was certain: Graham and I would not be sorting anything tonight.

* * *

My back hurt, my arm hurt, my legs hurt, and my entire fucking body fucking hurt. I was stripped bare of any energy. I had none left. I was in my room, lying down with a sleeping Trey across from me, but my bed wasn't helping.

But despite feeling tired, I had an itch to go somewhere. Preferably, Reed's.

It was horrible of me do think of going to her dorm first, rather than Ivy's. But I had to talk to her. I wanted to explain to her everything. And I definitely wanted to ask her about – Sawyer.

So, grabbing my coat and quietly slipping my shoes on, I left on a mission. And hopefully, this one wouldn't bust.

* * *

**Yeah. Sorry about that. But not really. :) **


	8. Tenth Circle of Hell

**A/N: I believe it is my duty to thank you all for your patience or lack there of. :) I hope I've lived up to your expectations. In case if you're wondering about the title, I got it from Dante's _Inferno_. There are nine circles of hell in his poem, but it seems like Dante has a thing for love - if it's not approved my God, then it's not OK. Hence, the tenth circle of hell just for Josh and Reed.**

**Please forgive me for any mistakes.**

* * *

Tenth Circle of Hell 

The door wouldn't budge. Panic started to ensue, and I didn't know how to get it.

_Reed, Reed, Reed . . . _

Shit, what was I supposed to do with the electronic lock? How did the girls get in? It said to drop the passkey in. What the hell was a passkey?

I was going crazy with trepidation and nervous excitement. Eventually, my slow brain figured out what a passkey was, and my hand went to my pocket and retrieved it. Waiting for the green button to turn on was torturous.

Alas, I was allowed inside, and in a haste, the door shut loudly. I winced at the noise, and prayed to the God I barely prayed to, telling Him to put everyone to sleep so I could get to Reed's room without any problems.

Although, I was sure God wasn't approving my actions tonight.

I didn't know what my exact reason (because I had many) for visiting Reed was, but I simply had too. Of course, her and Sawyer's relationship was bothering me to no end. I had to find out if she was really moving on. The little glances she gave me were doing no good, and our refusal to sort things out wasn't helping either.

Trying to be silent and crafty with my footsteps, I inched forward each stair, trying to remember the ones which made a lot of sounds. Finally, I was in front of Reed's room, my heart hammering beneath the set of ribs and skin. It was hushed, and for the first time that night, I wondered if it was a bad idea.

Evidently, it _was_ bad idea. My girlfriend was sleeping next door, and yet, I was knocking on the door next to hers.

Regardless, my hand quietly knocked on the door. I was prepared for the stab of pain when she wouldn't open the door, so I continued to beat incessantly. I didn't even notice she opened it, her ocean blue eyes widening in fear and curiosity. I, too, was shocked. I didn't fail to notice the skimpy yet totally-Reed sleeping attire.

"Oh my God," she whispered. "What the hell are you doing here?" she continued, roughly dragging me inside her room.

I still couldn't get over the fact she actually let me in the room, let alone I was mere inches away from her. "I'm sorry," I replied back lamely. "I just . . . I had to–"

But suddenly, all my lame excuses went out the window, and I did the one thing I wanted to do for a very long time – hug her. It was bone crushing and worthy of not receiving any oxygen. I tried so hard to show emotion through the hug. I tried to show I loved her no matter what.

Eventually, Reed backed out of my arms, and I internally groaned. The loss of contact was enough to make me die. For some reason, the fact that we were no longer touching made everything less secure.

After a moment of silence, she asked, "How did you get in here?"

I gave an inaudible sigh and said, "I have a passkey. We got it last–"

The _we_ caught both Reed and I off guard. Ashamed at my current behavior, I looked away. I couldn't bring myself to gaze into her soulful, sad eyes.

"Where have you been all day?" I didn't miss the look of defiance and indifference on her face.

It was getting unbearably hot, so I took of my coat and dropped myself on her cheap Pemberly bed. "I slept in the infirmary last night and Hathaway woke me up at five in the morning to start my all-day detention," I explained. I didn't bother explaining how bad my back hurt, and how filthy I was.

"What?"

"Yeah," I scoffed. "One full day, alone with Graham, cleaning out the basements in Hell Hall." Reed looked a little upset, and her caring nature sent me over the edge. "He didn't let us go until midnight," I added. "I was exhausted, but when I got back to my room I couldn't sleep."

Feeling thoroughly done for, I fell back on Reed's bed, trying to asses my day. It was horrible, and now I was feeling beyond tired. But just lying in Reed's bed me feel at home. Safe.

"You were trapped in a room with Graham all day?" she asked, slowly sinking down next to me. My heartbeat increased dramatically, and I was glad she didn't need to feel we were strangers.

"Yeah. That was fun. Silence, all day. Neither of us said a word." Graham had shown such level of restraint and stubbornness, I was momentarily afraid. When he wanted to get a job done, he got it done.

Reed's soft voice and dreaded question brought me back. "Josh, what is it between the two of you? What happened at St. James Prep?"

Lord, how was I going to explain it to her? How was I going to tell her that I dated Jen Hathaway, and before Reed, I wasn't the caring boy she thought I was? The worst part was she was friendly with the Hathaways. Who knew how she would react?

I sighed and sat up, rubbing my uninjured eye and said, "I don't want to talk about it. Not now." There was a flash of irritation on Reed's face, but I pushed that thought away. I wanted – needed – to ask her about something way more important than a pesky feud.

"I have to ask you something," I managed to say. Shit, how was I going to start this off? My throat constricted and I was having trouble saying anything else.

"What?" she asked softly.

Embarrassment was hounding me. Perhaps she truly liked Sawyer. If I asked her about them and she answered with a yes, then I would be crushed. God, this was getting harder and harder to finish.

"Are you and Sawyer . . .?" I couldn't finish it. I simply couldn't.

"Are Sawyer and I what?" Reed finally said.

Her innocent act was killing me. It was as if she was daring me to finish. As if this test was going to prove her I wasn't a coward. The thing was, once she confirmed my fears, everything would be all over.

Frustrated, I got up and groaned out my disappointment. I couldn't lose her. As selfish as this sounded, she was mine. We belonged with each other; it was scary how well we molded in, so seamlessly, so perfect.

"I can't," I whispered, sick dread filling me. "I can't do this anymore, Reed. I don't . . . I don't love her. Not like I love you. It'll never like it is with us. It doesn't matter what I do or . . . or how hard I try. She'll never be . . . she's not you.

"So please," I begged, "please just tell me that you and Sawyer aren't . . . that you're not . . ."

_Together, without me_.

The ache within my chest vibrated inside, screaming and taunting me. _You lost, you lost_, the mean part of me chanted. _You lost._

Suddenly, Reed stood up. The pounding from my heart was loud and deafening my ears. I was scared. Was she going to tell me to leave? Was everything truly over?

But she came nearer and dropped her forehead on mine. The action was loving and it told me what I needed to know: that everything was OK; that we were OK. Instantly, my fingertips grazed her petite waist, my hand eventually covering her small back while my other cupped her baby soft cheek. Her thin hands rested over my chest, and, with supreme conviction and truth, I said the three words I had been yearning to say.

"I love you."

Quietly, she responded back. "I love you, too."

And we kissed.

Once our lips touched, we both gasped from the surge of electricity coursing through our bodies. The attraction, the love was still a part of us, and I was glad we didn't have to start from scratch. Bringing her lips back on mine, my lips crushed against her, trying to convey just how much I loved her.

A tiny whimper escaped Reed's mouth, and she wrapped her strong arms around my neck, trying to bring us closer. It took a lot of willpower not to just eat her there. But I had to go slow, just to show her. To show her we could sit here all day and I would not care. Just holding her was enough.

There were soft, close-mouthed kisses. But as I moved my hand to cup her face a little tighter, I felt moisture. I stopped, peering into Reed's wet eyes. Tears were creeping their way down her face. Oh no, was she having second thoughts about this?

"Reed, I–"

She shook her head vehemently, grabbing me for another kiss. Her hands tangled in my messy hair, her lips moving in a fervent fashion. "I'm just happy," she murmured between the kisses.

So was I.

We were kissing like madmen, trying to make the most out of our time. Who knew if we could still be together? I still had a girlfriend, who happened to be friends with Reed, not to mention who was sleeping next door.

Despite having Reed kiss me at a crazy pace, I could feel that her jaw was tense. I rubbed smooth circles around her jaw, letting it coax into relaxing. My kisses slowed down, and her tight grip on me loosened; her feather-light touches were getting to me. But I was not done.

Slowly, my tongue slithered forward, tentatively touching her lower lip. I raised my head a bit, silently pleading.

_Open for me_.

She compiled, and feeling renewed energy, I was granted access. We explored, acting as if we were Lewis and Clark. Her mouth was soft and warm, and I tasted Reed; just pure, plain Reed.

Our introductions were shy at first, but we grew into lovers, stroking, teasing, letting our feelings dictate our actions. My hands journeyed around her body, my finger tips gently running over smooth skin. Her hands grabbed a desperate hold on me, and her arms wrapped around my torso. She sighed in contentment, and I couldn't help but smile.

This was perfect. It was complete heaven. I could have stayed there forever and ever, not having a single care in the world. There was a reason why I couldn't stay away from Reed. She was already a part of me, way before I came to Easton. She was the one.

Everything felt so right. And I had a feeling it soon would be.

All because _I loved her_.


	9. Nice, Nice

**A/N: Wow. Many thanks to my reviewers. You guys made my day; believe me when I say that. On a side note, next chapter is going to be the last one until Vanished comes out. **

**Also, I want to thank Glyndewar for beta-ing this chapter. :)**

* * *

Nice, Nice

I spent every day of the school year sitting in the chapel, paying my respects to (some) of the headmasters. What I failed to process, however, was that it was essentially a _chapel_ – a place of God and worship. It seemed as if my three years of sitting in the sacred area did nothing to teach me how to be a better guy.

Or worse, I never bothered to think about it.

Living in a society where sex and sin was an everyday topic didn't help my quest to be a worthy person. It surrounded me. It consumed me. God never dropped by to tell me, "Hello Joshua. I think it's high time you straighten your things out, Mister." I was a black hole, and I had a sickening feeling I wasn't going to be saved from the pits of hell.

So, sitting in a chapel every day was a fruitless attempt. Ultimately, I was an ass. It didn't matter if I loved Reed. I had lied to Ivy, my current girlfriend, and nothing was going to fix it. Both Reed and I had made out – a lot. A ton. I was sucked into the black hole of passion, and my eyes were blinded by it. I felt terrible.

After unwillingly leaving Reed's dorm, I slept for three hours. By the time I woke up, I was cranky and beyond guilty. How was I going to talk to Ivy and act as if nothing was wrong? Should I even tell her? Did I even want to break up with her?

These thoughts clogged my mind when I came out of the elevator the same day, getting ready for breakfast. I turned around the corner, preparing myself for ignoring everyone when suddenly, I saw an animated Ivy talking to Graham.

My heart ceased to beat, and a rush of cold water was dropped over my head. As I zeroed in, I saw Ivy leaning against the wall with books in her hand, twirling her hair occasionally. Graham was leaning in too far for comfort as he chatted with Ivy. For a split second, I realized Graham seemed to be at ease. As if he was sincerely talking to Ivy, and not just to annoy me. Nonetheless, I saw red and proceeded to break the two up.

"Ivy, what are you doing here?" I said cautiously. Immediately, she backed out and rushed to my side, her skin flaming red. Graham's eyes narrowed, his lips forming the tiniest of smirks.

"I – I was waiting for you, actually. And then . . . Well – I mean, you were taking kind of long," she stammered. Ivy was still blushing and was looking extremely nervous. My eyes flickered back at Graham.

"We were just having a chat, Hollis. Nothing's wrong with talking, right Ivy? We do plenty of that and–"

"Shut up!" Ivy hissed.

For the second time today, my insides froze. Was Ivy talking to Graham behind my back? Did she think Graham was better than me? Or worse, was she cheating on me?

Oh, who was I kidding? I did the same exact thing only a few hours ago. But the very fact that it was with _Graham_ made me sick. He was a twisted fuck, even though I, at one point, enjoyed his company. I couldn't trust him, and neither could Ivy.

"What's Graham talking about? Have you been hanging out with him?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice calm. Accusingly, I stared at Graham, and he just smiled. Smug bastard.

Ivy took one last fleeting look at Graham and grabbed my hand, trying to drag me out of Ketlar. I was startled at her ferocity; she looked impossibly mad, yet there was a certain amount of fear and nervousness. Whatever she had to say was probably important. Graham could wait.

As Ivy and I approached the wooden doors, I heard an angry Graham say, "Don't like having things taken from you, eh? Now you know how _I_ feel!"

I stopped in the middle of my tracks, frustration and plain annoyance getting to me. I knew it; it was all a game for him. He wanted me to feel bad, and disgustingly enough, he was using Ivy in the process. Immediately, Ivy tugged on my hand even tighter and said, "He's not worth it. Let's go."

"Oh, really? Since when did you become an expert on me _and_ Graham?"

Ivy reddened and I instantly felt horrible. But I was too angry to even consider her embarrassment. Throwing caution aside, I whipped my head to the side and faced Graham, saying the only thing that could come up in my mind.

"Haven't you considered that it was her choice? _She_ took herself from _you_. There's no reason to be mad at me; it's obvious you're mad at her. At Jen. You're ruining any memory of her, so I'd suggest you stop."

I stopped myself. I hadn't realized the amount of truth to those words, but I was right. Graham was just taking out his pent up frustration out on me since I was the easiest to blame. Suicides were always selfish; the person felt lonely, or they didn't fit in, but at the end of the day, it was for them. It was completely normal for him to grieve, but this? This was too much. I couldn't handle it, and I didn't think Graham could either.

Right now, I was glad for the absence of my dorm mates. Because as I looked up, Graham's face was wet with tears, and drip, drip, drip they went. I couldn't help but soften, and suddenly, the weight of the world crashed down: my guilt for cheating on Ivy, my guilt for treating Ivy _and_ Reed in an awful manner, my guilt for not making things right between Graham and I.

"Fuck you, Hollis."

With that, Graham ran off to the stairs, leaving me broken.

Ivy and I were too shocked and too uncomfortable to say anything. By now, more of the guys had started to pour in, each giving me a baffled look. As I thought about it, it seemed alright that I told Graham the truth. He deserved to know, and that was the least I could do.

"Josh, let's go," Ivy said quietly. She began to pull my arm a little, and reluctantly, I followed her.

We barely left the building when Ivy roughly pulled me to the side. We were now in an alley, Ivy pushing me to go deeper between the stone walls. Finally, she halted and looked at me square in the face. "Just to answer your question, Graham and I have not been fooling around. He already knows you hate him, but he can be a nice guy. Sometimes," she added grimly.

Defiantly, I raised my head. "Didn't look like it," I mumbled. _And news flash: Graham is not a nice guy. _

Ivy sighed and shook her head. "We need to talk. There's too much . . . distance between us. I – I want to make this work. Don't you want to make this work, Josh?"

Shit. How was I going to answer that? Did I want to make it work? Not really. Not after I realized Reed still loved me. But did I want to break it to her like this? No. My mother taught me to respect women, and I was going to try my hardest. Even if Ivy didn't give a damn about the way I presented her break up, I had to do it right. She deserved it.

Feeling melancholy, I said, "Yeah, we need to talk. How about you come over tonight? Is that alright with you?" I hoped she didn't notice that I did not answer her last question.

Her blue eyes widened, and she seemed a little detached. She sighed again. "Actually, I can't. I . . . have to attend to something. But is tomorrow OK?"

I nodded. "Sure," I managed to say, my voice cracking. God, how was I going to do it? I was already shaking from fear.

Ivy gave me a tight smile. "I'll see you later then." She came over in careful steps, her lovely face looking sad, and leaned towards me. Oh no, was she going to kiss me?

Frowning and thinking of a better idea, she paused midway and moved her head to the side, gently kissing my cheek. Her lips lingered there for a few moments longer, as if she wanted me to know something. As if she was trying to mark me.

But I had already marked hers – I had already slashed her heart, barely giving it anytime to repair it. Come the second time around, nothing was going to save it from bleeding as if it had the same fucking hemophilia genes from Queen Victoria herself.

* * *

Day two and I had yet to speak with Reed or Ivy. Right now, I was waiting for her in front of Pemberly, as I usually did, so we could go to breakfast. Last night, as lame as this sounded, I wrote down what I wanted to say to Ivy. I had a few bullet points on my tiny slip of paper which I had memorized.

Finally, I glanced up and saw a distraught Ivy leaving the dorm. I jogged up, my heart beating beyond measure. Giving myself a few pep talks, I told myself everything would be alright, and tonight was the night I was going to explain everything to her. I was doing nothing wrong.

"Ivy, hey; what's the rush?"

She only scoffed and grabbed her Fendi messenger bag tighter. She continued walking in a fast pace, forcing me to keep long strides.

"Ivy?" I asked again, keeping my voice calm. What was wrong with her?

"I'm busy Hollis. We already had a meeting planned for tonight, so during the time in between, leave me alone," she said briskly. Ivy lengthened her walk, effectively leaving me all by myself. As I saw her raven hair whip back and forth with the wind, I wondered:

How much did she know? _What_ did she know?

* * *

School was a nervous matter. I could barely concentrate on anything, and I felt downright shitty. Thinking back to this morning, I realized she must have known what happened between Reed and I. Why else was she angry and refusing to talk to me?

I heard some whispers here and there. A lot of the girls I recognized who lived in Pemberly were giving me odd looks. On more than one occasion, I caught a group of senior girls pointing at me, and giving me disgusted looks. This was getting out of hand; how did they know?

By the time our meeting time came around, I was an anxious wreck. I had already told Trey to not come by for about an hour, and he obliged, winking as he left the room. I wish it was for pleasure, but alas, it wasn't.

So when I heard a loud knock on my door, I went up, shaking from head to toe. I could hardly walk.

No matter. Ivy ended up opening the door with a bang, stomping into my room. Her mouth was set in a thin, angry line. I noticed there was an eerie calmness about her which was peculiar, to say the least. Feeling apprehensive, I timidly sat down on my bed while Ivy stood up.

"So–"

"Did you or did you not kiss Reed while I was sleeping next door?"

I wasn't sure what my face looked like, but I was a hundred percent sure it looked like the face of a liar. How did she find out? Who told her?

"How do know?"

She smiled the most disgusting way she could. "Perfect _Miss Reed_ told me, trying to spare my feelings."

Great. Reed told Ivy? So, in the end, I was right. Clusterfucks seemed to follow me everywhere I went. "I – I don't know what to say . . ."

Ivy snorted. "Save yourself. You're a real ass, you know that? If you wanted to fuck your ex, you should have done that in the janitor's closet, not the room next to mine! Why – why didn't you tell me?" Ivy's slender body slumped and she sat on the bed, sighing.

Closing my eyes in defeat, I said, "I don't know."

"The hell you did. Do you have _any_ idea how I feel? I thought Reed and I were friends, and I thought you . . . wanted me." Here, Ivy rolled over on Trey's bed and lay down sideways, curling like a deeply wounded kitten.

"I'm sorry," was all I could say.

"I was right – I knew it all along. You were always pining for Reed, and I was just another obstacle in your way."

Hurriedly, I tried to interject. "No, no, it's not what you think! After everything I told you–"

"OK, stop," Ivy interrupted. "Just say it." She sat back up on the bed, her expression guarded. Girl knew how to bounce back.

I pulled back, confused. "What? Say what?"

"Say it – say that you don't want me. Make it official, and quit being a coward." She lifted her dainty head up in an act of indifference. But I was not fooled; I saw lingering tears in her eyes.

Quietly and with extreme act of courage, I said, "I love Reed more."

She looked away and quickly brushed her tears to the side. My heart broke over and over again, but I could only imagine what Ivy was thinking about. She gave a tight laugh as I warily watched her. "That's that then."

Ashamed, I tried to appease my actions. "Ivy, I'm really, really sorry about what happened. But believe me when I say this, I will never regret a single moment with you. I just . . ." Here, I paused, unsure of what I wanted to say next. "I didn't want to hurt you, but by not telling you the truth, I ruined you. I'm so sorry."

Several minutes of silence swept by, and I couldn't bring myself to look at her. I heard Ivy sniffle a few times, but for the most part, she seemed OK. Normal.

"To be honest, I knew you didn't love me as much as you loved her. But I kind of wanted . . . someone around. You're a nice guy, Josh." Ivy glanced at me and smiled shyly. "Sometimes, though, you can be a real idiot."

"I'm sorry," I said for the hundredth time today, but also giving a small laugh. "I really am."

"It's fine." She looked around the room and grinned at me. "Or at least . . . it will be."

* * *

After our very temperamental breakup, I rushed to Reed's room. I knew for a fact I looked like a goofy, love-struck teenager, but I couldn't help it. Reed and I could finally, _finally_ be together.

Once I reached Reed's room, I impatiently knocked on it. It seemed as if Reed was impatient too because she opened the door two seconds later, beaming at me. Immediately, I came inside, not even bothering to hide my excitement.

"You have to stop coming here after hours," said Reed playfully. "You're going to get me into trouble."

"Ivy and I broke up," I blurted out. As I waited for her response, I drank in her lovely appearance, her curves, her silky hair, and oh my, her lips . . .

"Really? Oh," was all Reed managed to say. I was a bit upset at her reaction, but she had every reason to be cautious. Her eyes flitted to the opposite wall, no doubt thinking about Ivy.

"She's not here. She's at the solarium," I said, trying to make her at ease. After Ivy and I left Ketlar, I dropped her off there, still attempting to be a respectful man to her. At least we had parted on good terms.

"OK." Reed crossed her arms over her chest which, to my delight, happened to make her breasts come forward. I snapped out of my dirty thoughts when she continued to say, "I guess you know I told her."

"Yeah. She wasn't happy," I replied. Feeling a bit hot, I took of my coat and let in settle on the back of her desk chair.

"I'm sorry, but if I were in her position, I would want to know," Reed explained. _God Reed, why do you have to be so fucking nice? Oh wait – that's one of the many reasons why I fell in love with you in the first place. _

I nodded and sat down on her bed. "I get it," I said, running my fingers through my hair. "Honestly, I was kind of glad I didn't have to break up with her. I mean, I would have. I know I should have, but . . . Does that make me a wuss?" I asked shamefacedly.

"Yeah, kind of," Reed joked back. My heart fluttered, and I wanted nothing more than to kiss her senseless.

"Care to kiss a wuss?" I asked, lunging for Reed's wrist and placing her land on my lap. I inhaled her fresh scent, my hands tightening around Reed's slim waist, never wanting to let her go.

"Eh, why not."

Grinning like an over-obsessed fool, my lips met with hers. I don't know how long we lay down and kissed and giggled, but one thing was for sure: nothing was going to tear up apart.

Not even love.


	10. Stolen Roses

**A/N: Many thanks to you, my awesome reviewers, story alerters, and favortiers. I also want to thank Glyndewar for beta-ing. More information at the bottom of the page. **

* * *

Stolen Roses

Was there such thing as living in a state of complete contentment? I never thought it was possible, but considering the way my life had changed after finally being able to be with Reed, yes, it was. It was impossible for me not to skip everywhere I walked, not to mention smiling as if nothing could wipe it off.

So today, instead of picking Ivy up from Pemberly, I went to retrieve the girl I loved. It felt different; I didn't feel guilty and I certainly wanted to be there. Standing in front of Pemberly was torturous, waiting for Reed. At last, she came, gracing herself in my presence. My heart jumped over and over again.

Instantly, I stuck out my hand so I could hold Reed's, and wound my hand around Reed's soft fingers. By doing so, it showed I was never going to let us go. Nothing was going to rip our hands apart.

"So, we're doing this?" Reed asked tentatively.

"We're doing this," I replied back, strong conviction layering my words.

Being the adorable girl she was, she said, "All right then," and those words never left me so happy.

We began walking towards the dining hall. Her scent wafted up to my nose, her hair brushed my shoulder, and just standing next to Reed was making me go crazy. After three months of feeling angry, guilty, embarrassed, and love sick, I was finally able to feel . . . normal. Back to how we were supposed to be, without any interruptions.

Well, aside from Sawyer and Graham.

Once they saw us, Sawyer immediately stormed off the other direction, no doubt pissed that Reed wasn't holding hands with him. Graham, who I thought didn't hate me as much anymore, went after Sawyer, looking beyond furious. I guess he did, after all.

"Josh, can you please just tell me what happened between you and Graham Hathaway? Why does he get all clenched every time he sees you?"

Could I tell her what happened between Graham and I? Yes, I could. Would I? Should I? I had no idea how Reed was going to react to the news. She obviously knew the Hathaways, but was she going to appreciate what I was going to tell her? In the end, I had to tell her eventually. No more lies between us. No more secrets.

"Let's sit."

"OK."

Keeping my fingers intertwined with Reed's, we sat down on one of the many frosted benches around the quad. I couldn't bring myself to look at her. "The thing with Graham is . . . I used to go out with his twin sister, Jen."

Quickly, I replayed that sentence in my head. It didn't sound particularly horrible nor did it sound nice, but it was the truth. I heard Reed suck in a breath, and I cringed. She kept holding my hand, but her eyes darted around, and it was apparent that she had no idea that was coming.

"You know about Jen?" I continued, keeping a fixed eye on her. "You know how she…?"

_Killed herself, probably because of me? But that still needs verification. _

"Yeah," Reed said softly. "I didn't know she and Graham were twins but . . . Sawyer told me how she died." Her voice got distant and she looked as if she was contemplating something. I hoped she wasn't upset over the revelation.

"We were together a few months my sophomore year. But things didn't end well," I finished, giving a scoff and still toying with her fingers. Flashes of our crappy breakup swept through my mind. I debated whether or not I should tell her, but I resorted to telling her one thing at a time.

"Anyway, Graham blamed me and I think now that Jen's gone it's even harder for him," I said, remembering his break down a couple days ago. "I don't know if he's pissed at her or pissed at the world in general, but . . ."

"That sucks," Reed interrupted. "I mean, I guess I get it, but it still sucks. I really like Graham. When he's not, you know, beating up on my man."

I gave out a tiny laugh. "I do too," I said, but instantly thinking about our current situation, I decided to change the tenses. "Or I did. We used to be pretty good friends." If being pretty good friends meant not beating each other up, then we had an excellent friendship.

Reed sighed. "How long had it been since you talked to Jen? I mean, did you ever talk to her before–"

A jovial whistling not too far from us disrupted whatever Reed was asking. Headmaster Hathaway was walking towards us, his hands in his pockets. He gave a simple nod to Reed and a fake smile. No doubt was he a bit upset over the turn of events. Embarrassed that I made a man who I respected no longer respect _me_, I turned my head to the side.

But as I glanced down at our hands molded together, I realized it wasn't so bad. We could handle the Hathaways any day.

* * *

At school, I was hounded with questions, winks, and nasty looks from some girls. None of it mattered, of course. I simply could not wait to see Reed again.

It was late at night by the time I came over to Pemberly. Quickly, I went to Reed's room and found that she was not there. I went over to her bed and began reading for my literature class just to pass time, watching the clock endlessly.

After about forty-five minutes, I heard some talking outside. I figured out that it was Ivy and Reed talking. But hold on – wasn't Ivy upset at Reed? Regardless, I waited a minute or two, and hearing Ivy shut the door, Reed followed suit. Boy, was I glad to see her.

"Hey!" I exclaimed while setting the book aside. "Where were you? You cheating on me already?" I joked.

Goddamn it, how stupid could I get. Because right when I said that, Reed began to cry, and I wanted to smack myself. Of course she wasn't going to cheat on me (not now, anyway). We had already risked so much beforehand. But she continued to sob, and I felt horrible.

"Oh hey, bad joke," I said, trying to relieve the tension. Feeling guilty, I went over and wrapped Reed in a tight hug; her sobs shook her entire frame. "I guess we shouldn't joke about cheating considering how we broke up . . ."

"It's not that," she mumbled.

Thank you Jesus. A wave of relief washed over me and my hold on Reed loosened, but the tears kept on coming. Finally, I had to ask, "Then what is it?" Lifting my hand, I cupped her smooth face and tilted it up, her glistening tears shining. "Reed, what's wrong?"

A moment of silence passed, and for the first time tonight, I saw how worn out and fidgety Reed looked. Something wrong was going on.

Eventually, Reed said, "It's Noelle. She's–"

A beep followed, and within a second, Reed was on all fours, dumping the contents of two purses and frantically searching for the phone all over the floor. What was up with her? I saw her pick up a cell phone which seemed to be Noelle's, but that clearly wasn't the one. Over to the side, I saw Reed's, the screen lit up.

"Looking for this?" I crouched down and retrieved the phone; apparently, it was a text. "It fell out of your pocket. It's a text." My thumb accidentally swiped over the _yes_ button, and Reed's text came into full view.

My insides froze. I quickly read the message, fully realizing this wasn't any normal text. It was all in menacing capital letters, and it said some shit about Noelle dying and Reed having to do something. For a second, I wanted to pretend that this was all a joke, but considering the way Reed was acting, this had to be true.

"Reed? What the hell is this?" I croaked out, handing the phone off to her.

I saw Reed's face slowly transform into horror. She dropped her phone, her eyes bulging out. She began shaking uncontrollably, and all of a sudden, Reed fell down. She was crying all over again, mumbling and saying it was all her fault. By instinct, I went over to Reed's side and wrapped her in my arms, trying to make sense of everything. Trying to believe that this wasn't real.

"Reed, is this . . . is this serious? Is this real?"

Reed's turquoise eyes peered up at me, and her tiny hands fisted around the collar of my jacket. "Yes, it is. Oh God . . . I'm so sorry, Josh . . . ."

_Dear Future,_ I began silently. _Why couldn't you give us a month without any trouble? _

_Never mind. Damn you, Future. Damn you. _

* * *

**A/N: Ya'll know the drill. Since this fic is solely based off the books, I obviously have to wait for the next one. So, until August I believe, this story will be standing COMPLETE. Now, that is only for my satisfaction, but when I recieve a copy of Vanished, this fic will an IN-PROGRESS one. Don't freak folks. I will be back. **

**See you guys next time! ~TR**


	11. Ordinary Day

**A/N: And I'm back! I want to thank each of you who have stuck with me and patiently waited for this update. I hope I didn't disappoint; at least, not as much as Vanished. Am I the only one who thought it sucked? On a side note, next update will not come any faster. I have been extremely busy, but I will try. **

**Many thanks to Sir Glyndewar for editing this chapter. **

* * *

Ordinary Day

I was a mess. Well, not as messed up as Reed, but a mess nonetheless. I didn't know what it felt like to be thrown in a game of lies and spooky texts, and I sure as hell didn't know what it felt like not knowing what was going to happen next. Poor Reed; I could practically feel her sorrows from across the quad.

Sleep was not an option last night, and my body was paying for it. I ended up staying with Reed after a few minutes, letting her explain what had happened. I remember the ice cold water dripping down my back, freezing my skin and bones in ways I had yet to grasp. What the hell was up with Easton and Reed?

Here I was, trying to act casual by having a pile of doughnuts in front of me. Alas, I failed. My mind was preoccupied in trying to find out some suspects in this game. Stealthy, I stared at a few people (mostly from the Billings table). Considering almost all of them were putting on piles of makeup and staring at themselves with tiny mirrors, clearly, they were not it. I briefly considered Sawyer and Graham; quickly, I got rid of that notion. If they wanted to hurt someone, it would be me.

Still staring at the pile of food, I glanced up momentarily and saw Ivy and Reed coming out of the buffet line. My heart thumped an extra few beats, my back straightening up a bit. Reed and Ivy were talking, so I waited until she was finished. Secretly, I was anxiously to find out if Reed had any more information.

She eventually came over, and my heart ached for her. She looked impossibly worn out. If I was not mistaken, there were lingering tears on her lovely eyes. Her slow steps stopped next to me and she dropped her tray of food, her body sighing as it sat down. Reed didn't make a move to eat her breakfast.

"Anything?" I asked. There just had to be something, right?

Grimly, Reed answered, "Nope."

Unconsciously, my fingers threaded within her limp ones, squeezing it tight. "It's going to be OK," I comforted her. "We're going to figure this out." Probably not, but it was something I felt I had to say. Something to reassure ourselves.

"How?" Reed asked, her voice full of worry.

"I've been thinking about this all night," I began, letting go of her hand and getting ready for business. "We need to start by making a list of her enemies. And yours." I realized since Noelle and Reed hung out with the same crowd, their enemies would be the same. Plus, Reed didn't have the best track record when it came to friends.

Immediately, Reed shot back, "My enemies? Why mine?"

"Because," I said matter-of-factly, "they may have taken her, but they're torturing you. Whoever did this either hates Noelle, or you, or both of you."

I could tell Reed was taken aback slightly. "Could be a long list."

Smirking, I grabbed my coffee, my eyes bouncing around the entire room, lingering on some people. "You should sit up."

"Why?" snapped Reed.

Unfazed, I replied, "Because whoever did this may be watching you right now." Bringing my coffee up to my lips, I blew on it to make it cool. "We don't want them to know that I know what's going on. And you also don't want to look at all desperate," I explained. The Bourne Trilogies were actually very insightful when it came to kidnappers and random texts.

The gears began to run inside Reed's head, and much to her credit, she sat up. I felt horrible for her, but I was trying to help. I had to do something at least. Reed started to talk while getting her Cheerios ready to go in her empty stomach.

"I don't know what I would do if you hadn't been there when I got that text." She sighed and continued, "I don't think I could do this alone."

Of course she couldn't. Why did she think she had too? Firmly, I said, "You're never alone. Not anymore." Which was true. The last few times something terrible happened, she kept it a secret or no one was there to help. I was here now, and that was all what mattered.

"Thanks," Reed whispered weakly back. My heart warmed up considerably.

"So?" I inquired. "Who are your prime suspects?" I wanted to have at least one small advantage over Noelle's kidnappers. Smiling, I waited for Reed to continue.

"Well, there's the reject table," said Reed, her head tilting towards the side. I followed, and I saw Constance, Missy, and London looking daggers at Reed. What the hell was up with them?

Whistling (Billings girls tended to scare me), I remarked, "Wow. That last evil stare glanced off you and hit me." Something clicked in my head, and I thought about the comment Reed made earlier about the "reject table." I shifted in my seat, wondering what made her say that.

"But what do you mean, the reject table? Since when are those guys the rejects? I mean, I know Missy isn't your favorite person, but I thought you and Constance were all buddy-buddy, at least."

Reed's posture changed, and her eyes widened a bit. Hmm . . . something was up. She leaned forward and flat out said, "I kind of started a secret society."

She had to be fucking kidding me. "What!" I blurted out. Wasn't Billings enough? Wasn't having a prestigious, annoying group of people (aside from Reed) enough for them? This made me mad. Why couldn't they leave it all alone?

I noticed everyone turned to look at me. Turning flaming red, I leaned forward and hissed, "What?"

"It's a long story. But basically, there are only eleven members, so some of my friends didn't get in." She gave a long, hard look at the reject table.

"Whoa." I didn't know what else to say. Why did she have to come up with something like that? They were already in deep jeopardy, and they were willing to risk everything for that society.

"That's motive," I added. Looking at her, I realized how grown up and how . . . similar she seemed to be. Similar to the rich, bratty girls. Of course, she was not like them, but I could see her taking charge, one day at a time, just like the powerful wealthy people.

She chewed on her bottom lip nervously and replied, "Kind of, yeah."

Taking a large bite from my doughnut, I said, "You _are_ going to tell me more about this later." She had too.

"We'll see." We'll see my ass. If these people were rejected and getting ready to kill Reed with their scary eyes, she had to tell me what was up.

Ignoring that for now, I asked, "OK. Who else?"

"Well, some of the Billings alumnae threatened us recently. They blame us for Billing House being torn down," she finished while poking at her cereal.

This didn't sound good.

"Which ones?"

"Paige Ryan, Susan Llewllyn, and Demetria Rosewell," said Reed.

This time, I couldn't stop the whistle emanating from my lips. She had a serious list going on. "Can't get more connected than that," I said. "The Rosewells own half the defense contracts in the country. She could probably order up her own team of Navy SEALs if she wanted. Could you imagine if a team of SEALs grabbed Noelle? She could be in Kuwait by now."

This, however, sounded fantastic. Kuwait was a wonderful place, just as nice as Dubai.

Clearly, Reed did not have that notion in mind. She dropped her spoon loudly and accused, "Really not making me feel any better here, Josh."

"Sorry. Sorry." I raised up my hands in mock surrender; she really did look like she was going to murder me. "Anyone else?"

Before she could answer, a racket of noise came from the door. Graham, Sawyer, and Gage were joking around and acting stupid. Once they saw us, all three froze. Gage then proceeded to snap Graham out of his daze, and Sawyer went ahead and looked as if someone stole a million dollars from him.

Gage and I weren't best buddies to begin with, but we were friends, and this sight unnerved me. No one had to pick sides, and I felt Gage was doing just that. He was even ignoring me and tending to make fun of me more than normal. Which was flat out annoying.

Reed sighed and said, "I guess _he_ hates me right now."

Frowning, I asked, "Sawyer? You think he is the evil mastermind behind all of this?" Sawyer wouldn't even hurt a fly. Well, he could fight and do all kinds of manly things, but he was the quieter one out of the Hathaway family. At least, he was not as evil as Graham.

A tiny smile formed on Reed's face, her eyes downcast. "Not really. But I've been fooled before."

There was a moment where both of us looked at each other and thought about those who betrayed Reed, and ruined us in the process. I suppressed a shudder.

"Well," I began, "if it makes you feel any better, I guess Gage has chosen the Hathaways over me."

Damn, I sounded like a wounded five year old. Not that I was.

"Wow. A major loss," Reed replied sarcastically.

"It's definitely a low blow," I added, making the mood lighter.

Reed gave a timid smile at my half-assed attempt to make her happy. I was glad we were together in this, and I was sure as hell glad she was confiding in me. Every time an event was over, I would go back to bed and realize how useless I was at the time, and how much of an idiot I was. All I had to do was ask, and we would be fine.

"I'd say this Billings alumnae thing is your best bet," I broke through, bringing in the morbid conversation back. After all, I wanted this ordeal to be over just as much as Reed. "Those women have money, power, connections, and a crap load of time on their hands. Plus, if they still care about a dorm enough to threaten you, then clearly they've got some issues."

As if they didn't have any already. . . .

"You're right," Reed answered. "One of them might just be crazy enough to do something like this." She seemed genuinely excited, and her upbeat mood returned for a split second. "I'll see what I can find out."

"Just be careful, Reed. These people aren't clearly messing around. I don't think I could take it if you disappeared on me," I said truthfully. Noelle's disappearance I could handle somewhat, but Reed's would be a complete and utter travesty. A chill ran down my spine.

But being the strong and smart girl she was, Reed tangled her fingers around mine and said, "Understood. But don't worry. I promise I've put my damsel in distress days behind me."

Shit, they better be. For the sake of both of our sanities.


	12. Stealth

**Massive A/N: So. Ahem. I'm just going to list off a few excuses as to why I haven't uploaded since September. A) I got extremely busy. Junior year is filled with homework and testing. B) I kind of lost my touch with Private. Bad excuse, but I sort of had a writers block even though all the dialouge is written out. C) My computer crashed. Twice. I just got a new one this past week, which is why you have a new update! **

**I am incredibly sorry, I really am. I never thought I would be one of those annoying authors who don't update, but alas, I guess I am one of those annoying authors. I would like to thank all the people who are still digging this story (trust me, I'm surprised you're still with me!) Also, I would like to thank Glyndewar for the speedy update. I can't promise you the next update will come any faster because finals are coming up, and I need to make my folks happy! **

* * *

Stealth

"Getting ready to beat the crap out of someone? Or are you trying out for the next Batman wannabe?"

I jumped a little at Gage's voice. I certainly didn't expect to see him leaning against my doorway, talking to me. He had been rather busy with the Hathaway boys, always talking or hanging out with them. "How did you guess?"

"It's the tight ass leather leggings you got on. Real hot, bro. It'll get the ladies in a tizzy." I snorted as he came inside my room and sat down. "No really, where are you going?"

Facing Gage, I said, "Outside."

"Ah, the vague answer. I see how it is." He looked at me for a second and said, "You know, I'm not mad at you or anything."

Taken aback, I immediately answered, "What are you talking about? I mean, if you think I'm mad at you, I'm really not. The Hathaways are your . . . friends, I get that, so really–"

"Dude, I know you don't like them, and they don't like you. But life's too short to have all this pettiness. We're seniors this year, make the most out of it, you know?" Gage gave a shy smile and a small laugh. "Like sneaking off into the night," he added. Patting my back and giving me a wink, he left the room, softly shutting the door.

I wasn't aware Gage was able to give anyone advice, let alone a simple but true one as this.

"Wow. So you've done this before," I remarked. I stuck my head inside Hell Hall and looked around for a safe spot to land. Reed was right in front of me, waiting for me to get in. I must admit, I was slightly scared. Perhaps it was a good thing I wasn't auditioning for the next Batman wannabe.

We had decided to break into Hathaway's office to find some information as to where Noelle might actually be, and to fulfill the ridiculous task the anonymous stalker gave Reed.

"Kind of," Reed lamely replied back. I couldn't decide which way I wanted to jump down. Once I concluded facing the window would help ease my queasiness, I finally landed on the floor, but my knees gave out underneath and I clumsily landed on Reed. She awkwardly caught me. This was embarrassing.

"Well. That was emasculating." Despite my humiliating situation, this was the first time I had ever broken into Hell Hall, and the fact that I was going inside Spencer's office was making me feel giddy.

Reed smiled and whispered, "No worries. I still love you." We slightly blushed due to the fact we were still getting used to being back together and not having to hide it. "Come on. Let's get this over with."

We silently walked down the hallway, both of us careful with our steps. Hathaway's office appeared right in front of us, and praying to God the door didn't creak, I opened it. Little sucker creaked regardless. There was a set of stairs in front of us, and it was way too chilly for a room. Swiftly, we raced up the stairs until we reached the headmaster's door.

Resting my ear on the door, I checked for any noises. "Hang on," I whispered.

"No one's in there. It's after midnight," Reed pointed out.

"I don't know about you, but Double H has always struck me as a workaholic." When Jen and I were dating, I caught him a couple of times working well into the night, and a lot of mornings he would be in a terrible mood.

Once I figured no one was inside, I silently opened the door. "All clear."

"You've seen too many cop movies," Reed remarked as she elbowed me. She sat down on the secretary's chair and turned on the computer.

"How are you going to get in?"

"I still have Lance Reagan's secret code," she told me.

"Lance Reagan's what now?" I knew he was a massive computer nerd, and all the upper class Easton boys referred to him if they needed any help, legal or illegal. How did Reed know him?

Glancing over her shoulder, she said "I thought all the Ketlar boys had it."

Obviously not. "I've never heard of it."

"Oh, sorry," said Reed, turning crimson.

"Can it get you into any computer on campus?" I pressed.

Reed nodded. "Yep."

Jesus. This was the ultimate hacking code and Reed, out of all people, knew it? "How _did_ you get it?" I egged her on. I couldn't recall how many times I wanted an all-powerful code to check up on some things. Not that I wanted to stalk someone.

Reed avoided my question and answered with an "I'm just that connected." Noelle or the other Billings girls probably told her. They were such control freaks. She typed in the password, but to our dismay, it didn't go through. "Crap. They must have figured it out and blocked it."

"Let's try Hathaway's computer," I recommended. I walked into Hathaway's pristine office and sat behind his desk, my fingers hovering over the keyboard.

"Why? What makes you think you can get into his?"

"He's a dad," I replied. "Dad's always use their kids' birthdays as passwords." Parents always went for something sentimental, even if it was just for a password.

Reed stood by the doorway, unsure of what to do."And what? You know Sawyer and Graham's birthdays?"

"No, but I know Jen's." My chest thumped a little as I typed in her birthday. A tiny beep indicated it was wrong once again. "Damn. Didn't work."

Reed came inside and said, "Maybe he's got the boys' birthdays on his paper calendar." She came over and searched his calendar, but with no avail. "Nothing personal here." She sighed.

An echo was heard of a door slamming shut. Both of us flinched, scared. We were screwed. If we didn't get this now, we would never be able to get it. "What else could it be?" I racked my brain for some answers.

"What about the day Jen died?" Reed I tensed. It was the one question I was hoping to avoid, but it was going to come up no matter what. "Do you know when it was? Sometime last summer . . . ."

"I know," I bit out. Of course I knew it. It was the one thing I wouldn't forget.

"Just try it," she hissed. Reluctantly, I typed it in.

"It worked. I can't believe it worked. Hathaway's even more twisted than you are." Good God, why would he want to remind himself every day of his daughter's death?

Another slam was heard and a jovial whistle was followed with it. We froze, scared senseless. There was an abrupt silence before the office door opened. "Shit!" Immediately, I dropped to the ground and hid under the desk. Reed, however, stood still, unable to move. "Reed!" I yanked her down, and she quickly crammed in next to me.

The sound of a garbage can being emptied indicated it was one person only. _Janitor,_ I mouthed. Unconsciously, I wrapped my hand around Reed's, holding on impossibly tight. More whistling was heard, and he came dangerously close to Hathaway's office. I prayed, once again, not to get caught.

Eventually, the janitor's footsteps died away and we were finally able to breathe. "Oh. My. God," Reed whispered. My blood was pounding in my ears.

"Let's get this info already and get the hell out of here." Reed nodded vehemently and proceeded to pull out Noelle's information. Reed clicked on Lenora Lange, Noelle's grandmother, and scrolled down to find out where she lived.

"Sonofa–"

Lenora Lange lived a long way across the pond, in Paris, France. How the hell were we going to contact _her_?


	13. Questions

**A/N: I should be the master of excuses by now. This isn't the best chapter, but I did condense about two or three chapters together. I hope I will have some time in my life to update often. Anyway, what did you guys think of Private's ending? Try not to post any spoilers in case someone hasn't read it yet. **

**Many thanks to Glyndewar for editing. **

* * *

Questions

I didn't know how to feel about the break-in and Noelle's departure. So much crap had gotten between Reed and I, and I thought by now it would all be done. The more I wanted out, the more I got sucked in. The more I got sucked in, additional drama consumed my life. Soap operas were supposed to be cancelled from the airways. I guess fate liked watching _All My Problems: Josh and Reed edition. _

Currently, I was heading out to eat breakfast with Reed. I hoped this time, Reed would give me good news and the rest of the day would go by smoothly. Shutting the door behind me, I heard loud talking across the hall. It was a couple of boys I didn't know talking to each other. Their door was slightly open; I strained to hear what they were saying because they were talking about Reed and I.

"Dude, she's so hot. I heard she was screwing this rich British bastard over winter break. Maybe I should give her a call and let her know I want some Pennsylvaniaaaaaaa!" He and his friend laughed, while my blood boiled. How did they know about _him_?

"She's with that psycho Josh guy, so you don't want to mess with him. He'll probably murder you in your sleep, like he did with his roommate." I closed my eyes and willed to calm down. They were ignorant idiots. Only Reed mattered, and this bull was none of my concern. It was talk.

Ignoring what had transpired, I hurried over to Reed's and opened the door. My eyes snapped onto Reed and the computer. She was talking to someone . . . who was completely shirtless. I recognized who she was talking to; he was the guy in the picture with Reed, the picture Noelle sent me during winter break. And it happened to be the same guy the two roommates were mentioning.

Jealousy consumed me. Why was she talking to him, and why was he shirtless? Perhaps he was gay. Yes, he was gay. Gay guys always walked around with their shirts off. My blood pressure dropped slightly, but deep down I knew he wasn't gay. Damn him.

Reed hastily said her goodbyes and slammed the computer shut, her skin flaming. "Who was that?" I asked.

"No one. Just an old friend." Yeah right. "He lives in England and he knows the Langes, so he's going to help us get an excuse note." Doubt clouded my mind, but I knew better than to distrust Reed. Who cared if she was talking to him, right? He was helping. That was all I needed to know. Sort of.

"Oh. That's good, then." I mentally slapped myself for not making my voice sound as if the situation didn't bother me.

"Good? It's incredible. Now I don't have to find a way to get to Paris and back today. Not to mention a way to pay for it," said Reed. She went to gather items and didn't make eye contact. I hoped to God she would hurry and we could forget all about this.

Finally getting the courage to say something and break the silence, I said, "Yeah. I'd say that's definitely a plus. So, ready for breakfast?" I wanted to get the hell out of here.

"Yeah. Let's get out of here." I tended to underestimate the power of jealousy.

* * *

A few days passed, and I hadn't heard anything from Reed concerning Noelle. I had gotten a text from my mother telling me I got letters from Yale and Colombia. I was officially a nervous wreck. Due to my nervousness, my stomach got all rumbly. It was time to eat.

I was sitting in the cafeteria when I spotted Reed surrounded by, as usual, the Billings Girls. She needed a break from them. Besides, I hadn't seen her in a while. A while without Reed was a lifetime for me. I waved her over. She came, smiling. "Hey."

"Saved you a seat," I said.

Her brows furrowed and she bit her lip. "Actually, I promised the girls I'd sit with them tonight. But maybe I'll come over and join you for dessert?"

Not again. I hated them. I hated what they stood for. The clothes, the money, the goddamn kidnappings and everything else. There wasn't anything special about being a Billings Girl. All the grandeur escaped me once everything started to unravel before my eyes. I was pissed.

"Yeah. Fine. Whatever." _You're such a baby, Josh. _I knew I was acting like a douchebag, but the incident with the shirtless guy, Noelle's disappearance, and the lingering Billings Girls put me in a sour mood.

"Don't be mad. I promise I'll come over later."

Seeing that my answer made her slightly upset and feeling guilty, I replied, "I'm cool. I've got some reading to catch up on anyway."

"Thanks."

Sighing and once again being left alone, I took out my Chemistry notes and pretended I cared to study. I kept glancing at Reed occasionally. All the girls seemed to gush over something; it was probably a new thousand dollar purse one of them was holding. Suddenly Chemistry looked far more interesting.

A few minutes went by, and while round six of glances came by, I saw Reed was no longer sitting with her friends. My head turned left then right. She wasn't in the hall, so where had she gone too? Her friends were whispering, some laughing, so something must have gone wrong. I felt antsy, and my nervousness proved correct on several occasions. Closing my book, I headed outside, only to find Reed _not_ in a predicament. She and Sawyer were hugging. I was frozen.

Sawyer saw me first. He paled and said: "Oh. Hey, man." I didn't know what to think. Maybe they were simply just hugging and nothing else. But what if Reed was having second thoughts? What if Sawyer putting things in her head? Reed was _mine_. We had already proved that time and time again.

I wasn't sure if I should be mad at Reed since she was with Sawyer, or if I should be mad at him also. Reed's eyes widened in nervousness. "Um, hey. Well, I guess you don't need me then," I bit out. My feet took me back to the dining hall where I gathered my items in haste, pissed for no apparent reason. Reed wasn't making out with Sawyer or anything. It wasn't a big deal.

But for some reason, I felt I was losing her if I didn't keep her close. I was a fickle, jealous bastard.


End file.
